Had a tough night. Dear friend of mine accused me of lying to her about how I cared about her. Asked her why and she spewed all these things she thought about me that weren't true. Says she never wants to hear from me again. Sad that she has believed her own delusions and fears instead of a person that cares about her. I hope someday she can overcome her insecurities enough to not take it out on people who don't deserve to be treated like that. So, it hurts, but I'm not going to let her misguided negativity get me down or break me. It sucks, and my heart aches for her, but I am happy, cause she can't take that away from me.

Anyway, in the drop down there's a thing I wrote to myself after she texted and stepped all over me, to help me see the bigger picture and calm myself. It really helped me, and maybe it'll help make someone else's day a little better too. You are all beautiful people. Don't let the negativity of other people bring you down, you don't deserve the pain and they don't deserve the gratification. Take all the bad and don't be afraid to hurt, but let it pass through you; don't hold onto it. Take what you've learned and be better because of it. I hope you all have a wonderful night/day. (Note: the spoiler is pretty long. Would take some time to invest reading the whole thing, just FYI.)

Spoiler: show

It’s hard loving people so much and being honest and faithful in a world filled with so many people who aren’t, because no one trusts you when they meet you. They all think you’re trying to swindle them or break their hearts, so they push you away and cast you out, unable to believe that you’re what you say, when you say it. They don’t believe anyone is that nice, so they accuse you of what they fear you are, not what you actually are. It’s sad, but it’s hard. It’s hard being this way when no one believes you, not even the ones who you love. It’s a hard thing to hear, it has broken my heart more times than I care to remember. I am not without my faults or my mistakes and shortcomings; moments of weakness and memories of regret, but I know who I am. I hope someday the person who loves me will see me as I really am too, not who they believe me to be, or that they will not assume or fabricate a lie and believe their own delusions.

Until then, I will love and enjoy the company of myself and my dearest friends. The ones who through time have seen that I am who I profess to be, despite my faults or mistakes; that I will always be there for those I care about and love, even at times when they do not love or care about me in return. It’s just who I am. And I’m writing this not for anyone else to believe me, or to say, “oh wow good job, you’re a great person!” I don’t care about recognition from any of you; your opinions in favor or against my life do not change who I am. I know who I am and I’m writing this here for myself, to remind myself that I am me, and that is ok. I can’t be anyone but myself, and I am who I am for a reason. That reason is something each of us may find, and every day I find some new thread in my own tapestry. And so far, despite the occasional bitter or heartbreaking thread, I am every day seeing a more beautiful picture.

Every day is brighter than the last. Even in my recent heartache, and this dark time I’ve passed trough, I have hope in a brighter future. I have hope in a brighter future for everyone I know, those who believe me and those who don’t. Those I know and those I may yet know. I don’t wish sadness or discomfort or pain or hatred upon anyone: I know those fears and those feelings. I don’t wish that hurt upon a single soul in this world but only for moment, so that we may learn to appreciate the joys we often take for granted. I love being alive, I love loving so much. It brings me such intense ache and fear sometimes, but on the same coin it gives me such an appreciation for life and for others.

I make my mistakes and I fall short of my ideals and my wishes: we all do. But don’t judge others for their mistakes: judge them for what they do in response to them. Do they deny them and perpetuate them? Do they accept them and move forward? Do they feel no guilt? Or do they show remorse? Allow them their follies, for we all find ourselves caught in weaker tendencies from time to time. Allow mercy to others as you would want shown to you. If you do not, then do not be angered when you are not shown such courtesy. Accept your punishments and karma gratefully. Understand that all your sorrows and all your joys are both for your improvement and self-realization. Hold onto love and kindness. Let go of hate and bitterness.

Be happy in your own company, be satisfied with your own presence. Because when all else fades away, it’s all you really have. If everyone you know were to pass on to the next existence or non-existence, leaving you all alone in this world, would you still be happy? If the answer is no, then you have yet to find that place within you and be pleased with what you find, and grab hold of that love you have for your own true being. Be satisfied with your true self: that part of you that has goals and dreams and wants and needs. Find that part inside yourself and don’t let anyone ever convince you that you are anything else. If you know yourself, truly know yourself, then nothing anyone will ever do or will ever say, can change that.

This life can be strange and beautiful. Find your inner light and let it shine, so that no amount of darkness may ever overtake you. The journey is long, it’s hard, and oftentimes it is lonely, but it is worth every arduous step. When we reach full realization and appreciation of ourselves, we will look back and thank ourselves for every moment we decided to keep going. Don’t give up on hope or love or kindness. Don’t let doubt or hate or bitterness define you. You are your own soul: define yourself.

-David Dalton
11/18/14

I need a new dryer. I've had this one for about a decade but lately it's become a cunt and won't properly function. Nothing lasts forever, I suppose.

And speaking of which, I thought I'd try it again as it's raining outside and I want to dry my clothes that didn't air out on the line. Only a minute in and I smell smoke and see bright orange flashes through the door window. Fortunately none of my clothes were burned, but smoke did seep out of the drum when I was pulling them out.

It's now a question of disposal and scheduling visits to the local laundromat.

Bahahaha, hubby sent me up for a nap, but I can't stop laughing cos all I can hear is him singing Storm really badly to the baby downstairs *giggles*

[swervedriver]

There are tons of things on sale because of Black Friday. Not complaining, mind you, but it's weird to see ads related to Black Friday on tv when we don't even have Thanksgiving over here. This week is just like any other week, except a lot of things are stupidly priced.

I also wonder how much is true about products being made specifically for Black Friday deals, meaning some components are of lesser quality and/or quality control has been much less strict. It kinda puts me off buying anything now.

Also, it is Thursday.

[swervedriver]

Haven't you heard? Black Friday lasts a whole week. And then some.

[Victimlas]

I never knew they had Black Friday outside the US. And yes I got my Black Friday deals on Monday LOL That's part of the joke, every retailer tries to release their sale items sooner to beat each other. At least in the US, items are the same quality/same products. They get all their sales from the buying frenzy. A couple items deeply discounted next to normal-priced items, but people stampede and buy everything

[EphelDuath666]

what? You Dutch folks get Black Friday deals and we won't? WTF?

It's a really recent thing here, in the last couple of years. I won't complain though!

[swervedriver]

what? You Dutch folks get Black Friday deals and we won't? WTF?

Check out the Mediamarkt then, they're all over this.

[EphelDuath666]

dang you're right, all of a sudden it's Black Friday this and Black Friday that in all the stores here my poor wallet!

I hate having money more than not having it. Except when rent or an urgent payment is due, then it's vice versa.

Artificial intelligence scares me to death.

I knew I was up too late last night watching TV when I saw a reenactment of a redneck jerking off a pig before being eaten by the aforementioned swine.