A man enters his favourite ritzy restaurant, and while sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting all alone at a nearby table.

He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her, knowing that, if she accepts it, she is his. The
waiter gets the bottle and quickly brings it over to the woman, saying this is from the gentleman over there. She looks at it and sends him a note back.

Her note reads: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and seven inches in your pants." The man, after reading her note, chuckles, and sends a note of his own back to her.

His note reads: "For your information, I happen to have a Ferrari Testarossa, a BMW 850, and a Mercedes 600 SL in my garage. I have over twenty five million dollars in the bank. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut three inches off. JUST SEND THE BOTTLE BACK."

Ha.

Q:What would it take to reunite the Beatles?


A:Two more bullets.

Top 20 ways to tell someone their fly is down

20. The cucumber has left the salad.
19. I can see the gun of Navarone.
18. Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out.
17. You've got Windows in your laptop.
16. Sailor Ned's trying to take a little shore leave.
15. Your soldier ain't so unknown now.
14. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bell.
13. Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson...
12. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.
11. Your pod bay door is open, Hal.
10. Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!
9. Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.
8. Ensign Hanes is reporting a hull breach on the lower deck, Sir!
7. The Buick is not all the way in the garage.
6. Dr. Kimble has escaped!
5. You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead of "Hillary."
4. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction...
3. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.
2. I'm talking about Shaft, can you dig it?

AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY TO TELL SOMEONE THEIR FLY IS UNZIPPED...
1. I thought you were crazy; now I see your nuts.

Coma, surely its funnier to not tell them and let everyone see how ridiculous they look.

A janitor was cleaning a church. A priest asked him to sit in the confessional while he went to the bathroom. The janitor said ok, and went into the confessional. After a little while, a woman came in and admited to giving head, and asked what the price for her sins would be. The janitor, not knowing anything about confession, said hold on, and he went a an altar boy. He then asked the altar boy what the price for an oral was, and the boy then replied, "Last week it was three tootsie rolls and a soda."

A hippie gets on a bus and spies a pretty young nun.
He sits down next to her, and asks her: "Can we have sex?"
"No," she replies, "I'm married to God." She stands up, and gets off at the next stop.
The bus driver, who overheard, turns to the hippie and says:
"I can tell you how to get to have sex with her!"
"Yeah?", says the hippie.
"Yeah!", say the bus driver. "She goes to the cemetery every Tuesday night at midnight to pray. So all you have to do is dress up in a robe with a hood, put some of that luminous powder stuff in your beard, and pop up in the cemetery claiming to be God."

The hippie decides to give it a try, and arrives in the cemetery dressed as suggested on the next Tuesday night. "I am God," he declares to the nun, keeping the hood low about his face.
"Have sex with me."
The nun agrees without question, but begs him to
restrict himself to anal sex, as she is desperate not to lose her virginity. 'God' agrees, and promptly has his wicked way with
her. As he finishes, he jumps up and throws back his hood with a flourish.
"Ha-ha," he cries. "I am the hippie!"
"Ha-ha," cries the nun. "I am the bus driver"

[Blazingmonga]

Hehehehheeheee.

What's black, white and red and can't fit through a revolving door?

a nun with a spear through her head

MILK BATH


A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk.
When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons so he knocked on the door toclarify the
point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?"

The blonde said, "I need to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath."
The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"
The blonde said, "No, just up to my boobs, I can splash it in my eyes."

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor."
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

Those are both funny.

They're funny cuz you can actually SEE someone in those situations, lol

It was more to do with the word boobs.

Ah ha.

Well whatever floats your,..erm,.. boat.