Haha it's cool man, psych talk is always interesting. You study psychology? If so, PSYCH MAJORS UNITE! And yeah, the article is a little overly Freudian, which raises some flags for sure, but I do think at least some of what it says (ex. the movement of love from passionate to companionate) is based on more empirical data.

I am studying psychology, indeed. I'm actually attempting to become a psychologist, all though various universities are making it increasingly difficult.
The article is far from useless! I think, as with most psychoanalysis, it has either many reasonable premises or conclusions, but usually not both at the same time, if that makes any sense.
I can see how many of the things mentioned in this article relate to my social psychology book, but it's written in a rather different context, with some premises or conclusions swapped with something less scientific sound.

To be honest, I'm one of those who are not really relating to that article. The one I'm with is not at all like someone I knew as a child. And I'm not working consciously at all to achieve anything. For lack of better words, things just "flow" in my case (for many years)... Maybe because we have very similar views on music, games, life, religion, etc.

Maybe on some level we are trying to bring up old pain in every relationship.
Maybe we need to see the pain before we can even begin to let it go.
That is something that often happens in relationships I think, and when the pain comes to the surface, we link the pain to the partner.
So actually, starting a relationship is a perfect way to end romantic love.

But who I am to speak, I'm not even in one now, because of this. I don't want to feel the pain through others. I want to heal what I have to heal by myself, so I won't hurt others in the process. I'm not sure if that is possible though..

I don't know what to think about this. I've only had one real long-term relationship prior to the one I'm in - and I know that prior relationship was forced to end because it didn't matter what I did, I'd been duped into thinking it could work by someone who was using me to work through their own issues - issues that, had I been told about in the first place instead of finding out after 5 years, would have prevented me from entering into a relationship with them.

I'm engaged now, planning my wedding...and while there's no doubt in my mind that the love I have for the man I'll marry has definitely changed, I don't think it's 100% due to us healing one another - but it's certainly helped, in a sense. It's hard to explain, but I'm trying...

Basically, I realised that aside from the basic things like sense of humor/looks - I rely very much on him to take care of me in a way I was not taken care of in my previous relationship. And I mean 'take care of' in many forms, not just one. I acknowledge this, I admit this, and I don't try to pretend it's not happening. My last relationship hurt me - and taught me a lot, my current one is healing me. I'm certain he's gaining a lot from me as well, whether it be 'healing' or simply learning.

I didn't love myself very much before entering this relationship, but I was damn well aware I deserved better, so I sought better - and I received better.

It's really very strange - I physically feel like I don't relate to the article, yet my experiences would dictate otherwise. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I feel as though, regardless of past pains, what stems from a budding romance is indeed love in many different forms - but only when helped along with honesty, trust and understanding between the two people. Take away those things and I believe it's hard to keep a truly loving relationship afloat for long...

/late night ramble.

I have to say, when I came to the Devin Townsend Forums today for the first time in about 6 months, I wasn't expecting to find a post about Imago relationships. But I'm glad to see it. I came across this idea in a book a few years ago. (Harville Hendrix - "Keeping the love you find" was the one I read, he has other books) For me, it was one of those things that made too much sense to ignore. By the end of the second chapter it pretty much explained all of the relationship dysfunction that I had experienced and agonized over for a long time. It was both amazing and awful to have all of my emotional junk, which felt so complicated and immense, be deconstructed so simply.

It's powerful stuff. Many people have posted that it doesn't resonate with their own relationship experience, which is fine. But it did resonate with me, and while it took some time, I can say with 100% certainty that my life is better for it.

Devin, thanks for posting this.

Wow, what a variety of responses.

Clearly this article has some meaning for Dev. I have to think on my own now 15 year relationship and see if any of the ideas will be helpful for me. I certainly didn't say "OMG, that's ME!!!" but I think there are some good things to think about in there. Which is all you can expect from any article like this.

I would interject that any relationship is a kid of living organism. The two people involved grow and evolve together and in response to each other. Sometimes that growth strengthens the bond and sometimes strains it. Sometimes it withers. Sometimes it is severed. But you do have to check in and adjust.

And who ever thought having kids won't affect your sex life.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

[Keeker]

Wow, what a variety of responses.

Clearly this article has some meaning for Dev. I have to think on my own now 15 year relationship and see if any of the ideas will be helpful for me. I certainly didn't say "OMG, that's ME!!!" but I think there are some good things to think about in there. Which is all you can expect from any article like this.

I would interject that any relationship is a kid of living organism. The two people involved grow and evolve together and in response to each other. Sometimes that growth strengthens the bond and sometimes strains it. Sometimes it withers. Sometimes it is severed. But you do have to check in and adjust.

And who ever thought having kids won't affect your sex life.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

It didn't affect mine too much, other than the lengthy recovery periods from two caesarians. You have to be willing to make a concerted effort at it.

Wow, what a variety of responses.

Clearly this article has some meaning for Dev. I have to think on my own now 15 year relationship and see if any of the ideas will be helpful for me. I certainly didn't say "OMG, that's ME!!!" but I think there are some good things to think about in there. Which is all you can expect from any article like this.

I would interject that any relationship is a kid of living organism. The two people involved grow and evolve together and in response to each other. Sometimes that growth strengthens the bond and sometimes strains it. Sometimes it withers. Sometimes it is severed. But you do have to check in and adjust.

And who ever thought having kids won't affect your sex life.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

It didn't affect mine too much, other than the lengthy recovery periods from two caesarians. You have to be willing to make a concerted effort at it.

Same. If it is worth it to you, then you take the time or make the time. And there's always time.

We did fine after the first child.

The second one, however, put monkey wrenches in all parts of our life.