StrappingYoungLad wrote:What begins in SH and ends in IT?...............SHIRT :d
dont think that one was said right... since shirt doesnt end in IT... here's another like it:
What starts with F and ends in UCK?
Firetruck
A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more. The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?"
"That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered. "Think about this... When your ear itches and you put your little finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better-your ear or your finger?"
"That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered. "Think about this... When your ear itches and you put your little finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better-your ear or your finger?"
#22764 by Guest
Sun May 16, 2004 9:57 am
Sun May 16, 2004 9:57 am
Sinkharmony wrote::lol: The lesson is: Don't fuck with Geoff!
These filters kill me ... I have to change them now ... lol
Yes don't fuck with me
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car.
A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car.
A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
#23791 by Apophis
Thu May 20, 2004 8:14 am
Thu May 20, 2004 8:14 am
i don't know if these have been posted already but i dont really give a fuck so here goes...
Three gay men are sat in a hottub together when a globule of semen floats to the surface, prompting one to ask "ok, who farted?"
What are lesbians beds made out of?
Tongue & Groove
Why do farts smell so bad?
So the deaf can enjoy them as well
What do you call a gay dinosaur?
Megasauras
a not particularly sick or disturbing joke now but it amused me.
Two old women are sat debating the pros and cons of pantyhose, when one comes out with the ultimate argument against them. "I really can't stand them tights especially when i've had a curry, cause when i fart I blow my slippers off"
Three gay men are sat in a hottub together when a globule of semen floats to the surface, prompting one to ask "ok, who farted?"
What are lesbians beds made out of?
Tongue & Groove
Why do farts smell so bad?
So the deaf can enjoy them as well
What do you call a gay dinosaur?
Megasauras
a not particularly sick or disturbing joke now but it amused me.
Two old women are sat debating the pros and cons of pantyhose, when one comes out with the ultimate argument against them. "I really can't stand them tights especially when i've had a curry, cause when i fart I blow my slippers off"
There were two brothers. One was very good and tried to always live right and be helpful. His brother, on the other hand, was bad and did all the things that men should not do and didn't care who he hurt.
The bad brother died. He was still missed by his brother since he loved him despite his ways. Finally, years later, the good brother died and went to Heaven. Everything was beautiful and wonderful there and he was very happy.
One day he asked God where his brother was, as he hadn't seen him there.
God said that he was sorry but his brother lived a terrible life and went to Hell instead. The good brother then asked God if there was any way for him to see his brother. So God gave him the power of vision to see into Hell and there was his brother. He was sitting on a bench with a keg of beer under one arm and a gorgeous blonde on the other.
Confused, the good brother said to God, "I am so happy that you let me into Heaven with You. It is so beautiful here and I love it. But I don't understand, if my brother was bad enough to go to Hell, why does he have the keg of beer and a gorgeous blonde. It hardly seems like a punishment".
God said unto him, "Things are not always as they seem, my son. The keg has a hole in it; the blonde does not."
The bad brother died. He was still missed by his brother since he loved him despite his ways. Finally, years later, the good brother died and went to Heaven. Everything was beautiful and wonderful there and he was very happy.
One day he asked God where his brother was, as he hadn't seen him there.
God said that he was sorry but his brother lived a terrible life and went to Hell instead. The good brother then asked God if there was any way for him to see his brother. So God gave him the power of vision to see into Hell and there was his brother. He was sitting on a bench with a keg of beer under one arm and a gorgeous blonde on the other.
Confused, the good brother said to God, "I am so happy that you let me into Heaven with You. It is so beautiful here and I love it. But I don't understand, if my brother was bad enough to go to Hell, why does he have the keg of beer and a gorgeous blonde. It hardly seems like a punishment".
God said unto him, "Things are not always as they seem, my son. The keg has a hole in it; the blonde does not."
#24477 by Apophis
Sun May 23, 2004 2:24 pm
Sun May 23, 2004 2:24 pm
Coma Divine has probably posted this already but....
After months of plucking up courage, Tony decides to take a parachute jump. But after leaping out of the tiny Cessna aircraft, he pulls the ripcord … and nothing happens. Alarmed, he pulls his reserve chute cord – and again, nothing happens. As he's plummeting towards earth – and certain death – he spots another man shooting upwards at rapid speed. ‘Do you know anything about parachutes?’ cries Tony, as the man passes him. ‘No,’ comes the reply. ‘Do you know anything about gas cookers?’
After months of plucking up courage, Tony decides to take a parachute jump. But after leaping out of the tiny Cessna aircraft, he pulls the ripcord … and nothing happens. Alarmed, he pulls his reserve chute cord – and again, nothing happens. As he's plummeting towards earth – and certain death – he spots another man shooting upwards at rapid speed. ‘Do you know anything about parachutes?’ cries Tony, as the man passes him. ‘No,’ comes the reply. ‘Do you know anything about gas cookers?’
#24512 by The Devourer
Sun May 23, 2004 9:17 pm
Sun May 23, 2004 9:17 pm
why does micheal jackson like 29 year olds? cuz there's 20 of em! 
#24603 by baldmosher
Mon May 24, 2004 6:42 am
Mon May 24, 2004 6:42 am
EDIT: Dude! That one was really sick....! Sorry...
Joke destroyed by Mod who lost his appetite...
Joke destroyed by Mod who lost his appetite...
A kid goes up to his father and says, "Hey, Pop, know how old I am today?"
His father says, "No...how old?"
He says, "I'm eleven!"
He goes into the kitchen and says to his grandmother, "Hey, Grandma, know how old I am today?"
She says, "Come closer..."
She unzips his jeans and reaches her thin, spotted arm down into his underwear.
She fondles his genitals for a few minutes and then she says, "You're eleven."
He says, "How could you tell?"
She says, "I heard you tell your father."
His father says, "No...how old?"
He says, "I'm eleven!"
He goes into the kitchen and says to his grandmother, "Hey, Grandma, know how old I am today?"
She says, "Come closer..."
She unzips his jeans and reaches her thin, spotted arm down into his underwear.
She fondles his genitals for a few minutes and then she says, "You're eleven."
He says, "How could you tell?"
She says, "I heard you tell your father."
"It had been a wonderful evening and what I needed now, to give it the perfect ending, was a little of the Ludwig Van" - Alex
baldmosher wrote:StrappingYoungLad wrote:How about this one...
What do you call a car with 5 (REPLACE race) going over a cliff?
A waste...because you could have fit 2 more in the boot!
Chris
Sorry for making you a pawn in my point, Chris....
Right, so jokes about dead babies aren't cool, but racist ones are?
Yeah...but where is the racism? I refrained from providing any references to a particular race!!!!!!!
Chris
#24769 by baldmosher
Tue May 25, 2004 2:08 am
Tue May 25, 2004 2:08 am
StrappingYoungLad wrote:baldmosher wrote:StrappingYoungLad wrote:How about this one...
What do you call a car with 5 (REPLACE race) going over a cliff?
A waste...because you could have fit 2 more in the boot!
Chris
Sorry for making you a pawn in my point, Chris....
Right, so jokes about dead babies aren't cool, but racist ones are?
Yeah...but where is the racism? I refrained from providing any references to a particular race!!!!!!!
Chris
It's xenophobic, and that's still racism.
Anyway it's not even funny!!!!
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