[swervedriver]

My landlord being in intensive care since last night because of a blood clot in his coronary artery.

I was heading home from work this evening... Bus was just leaving town and I was just mindlessly staring out the window when I noticed a guy panned out on the ground. He was just laying there utterly motionless. So many people walked past him just in the few seconds passing as the bus drove by, and nobody stopped. I mean for fuck sake, would it take a minute of your precious fucking time to shake the guy? See if he's breathing? Try get him to sit up or stand up or just move or something? He had collapsed about two minutes from a hospital anyway, so it wouldn't have been trouble to get him in if he needed medical attention. I just... I dunno. I cannot understand what the fuck makes humans tick over sometimes. I didn't want to call A&E or anything because if he'd been moved or whatever I'd be having to go through a bloody "No, I wasn't prank-calling... there was really a guy passed out or at least it appeared so blah blah blah", but if I'd been walking, I'd have stopped. Surely it's not too fucking stressful to do it? I don't get how you can leave someone lying in the fucking street and just walk along uncaring. Just the sheer volume of people passing that spot and nobody was willing to stop. I was amazed.

After work yesterday I somehow developed a cough. This morning my throat feels very odd and it's hard to swallow. What the fuck man...

After work yesterday I somehow developed a cough. This morning my throat feels very odd and it's hard to swallow. What the fuck man...

just throwing it out there but um... swine flu?

see a doctor

It's not really that bad anymore. I worked my ass off all day and it didnt seem to hinder anything. We'll see how it is tomorrow, if it's worse I'll do something about it.

Man, Humans are strange.

Today I was talking to my ex's sister (don't worry, she's a good mate, its not how it sounds )
And she told me that my ex has completely changed since she split with me. She wears normal clothes and listens to music she used to HATE just a couple of months ago. She used to wear some really cool clothes, she's always been like that, with the awesome wool/synthetic Dread Falls and stuff...

Its just so strange. Really baffled me how quickly people can change. Its seriously unbelievable. Got me thinking, im not sure if she's someone who morphs who she is to fit with whoever is around her... if so, then when i was with her, was she just listening to my kinda music and wearing what she did just because of me? - I don't think so, she's been listening to cool music for years, even when we never saw much of each other (before we were together).

Its just so strange, it really is.


A not-so-un-awesome part:
But don't worry, im not here to whine again. I am moving on, which is cool. In fact, today, her sister said something that made me feel a lot better.

Like i said in posts earlier, nobody on Lu's side who i was good friends with weren't really talking to me. I was worrying that a bunch of good friendships had been messed up, and i felt crushed for being so "rejected" by these people. I thought everybody had fallen in love with this new guy she's been seeing and couldn't really give a crap where i went in life, even if it meant out of theirs forever... But it turns out it was mostly just in my head. Her sister said to me today:
"Aden i miss you! Lu has CHANGED!"

It really meant a lot, and to know that at the end of all this crap, its me that people seem to be respecting more from it, and that the people that meant something to me before will still be there.

So I also want to say another thanks to the cool people on here! And sorry for expressing myself during a stage where my head was completely tangled... lol

I also want to add:
I do not judge against people who don't wear "unusual clothes" or listen to "decent music". I don't think Lu is any less of an awesome person for listening to different music or not wearing her unusual clothes. I was just saying how unlike her it was, and so suddenly as well.

91% humidity + 85F is definitely un-awesome to work in

Man, Humans are strange.

Today I was talking to my ex's sister (don't worry, she's a good mate, its not how it sounds )
And she told me that my ex has completely changed since she split with me. She wears normal clothes and listens to music she used to HATE just a couple of months ago. She used to wear some really cool clothes, she's always been like that, with the awesome wool/synthetic Dread Falls and stuff...y she's been seeing and couldn't really give a crap where i went in life, even if it meant out of theirs forever... But it turns out it was mostly just in my head.

It's not so strange for people to go through abrupt transitions. I too changed suddenly but very organically around the 16-17 year-old period in my life. I had always been rather literate and enjoyed reading, but it was around then that I started properly getting into good books. Freud, Nietzsche, Aristotle and Locke all shaped my way of thinking irrevokably and I changed my opinion on a lot of things, specifically what life is about. I learned that all the things which I do to fill my days until I die shouldn't be what my life is for. There are so many emotions to be felt other than satisfaction at doing something which which I enjoy or smugness at being pleased I look a certain way to conform to a certain style. I like accomplishing something and being proud of it, I like the lonliness that comes with being relatively introverted when dealing with people, I like the curiosity which stems from over-analysing everything and the trepidation when contemplating the hypothetical outcomes of situations.

So basically; I still love the music that I do, but as well as that I listen to what could be described as "a lot of pretentious classical bollocks" and my music taste now thrives on learning about bands which play very good music but can't all be classified in any specific genre. I don't feel the need to know everything about or listen to every artist in metal, nor classical music, nor any musical sub-category I listen to. Thus I no longer feel the need to dress the same way people who subscribe to these lives of these metallers, nor do I find it "cool".

What I'm basically trying to say here is that people find new ways of thinking very quickly. One of the reasons that humanity has lasted so long is because of their ability to adapt to their environment. Westerners wouldn't stand a chance against a load of big cats in the jungle, so we've assmimlated all the elements of our society to ensure our safety and survival on this planet is pivotal. Your former girlfriend has probably gained some new opinions about a whole multitude of things since your relationship ended and that might explain to some extent the rapid changes she underwent in the subsequent weeks. I don't think it's so strange that her lifestyle has become different, it's really just a reflection of everything else in the world. Or I could just stop rambling on and on. I'm bored and I have nobody to talk to and I'm hungover in that kind of way where you just want to talk nonsense. Sorry for my stupid posts.

When would you use this. I'm putting it at the end of posts from now on - it's hilarious how strange it is.

Yeah I know what you mean. I too had a bit of a change since the split. But its not one that has caused me to drop everything I always loved. It just seems strange, how someone could go from genuinely disliking something, knowing its not for them, to suddenly loving it.

I can understand she may now want to open her mind to new things, but, she did anyway. Her best mates are all kinda "chavvy", and they all gossip nonstop, listen to nothing but club music and HATE anything else, but they've been her best mates for yeeaars. She's been exposed to it all before, in a non bias way, but she genuinely just didn't like that kinda stuff. Towards the end of us, she was saying how it got her down how she felt slightly on the outside, because they didn't have much in common.

So it almost feels like she might be choosing to listen to this stuff and act this way to fit in with them all. She might be mistaking a feeling of "liking the music" for "liking the fact her friends like the fact she's listening to it". Ever since i first got to know her, she was always herself. She always listened to whatever she loved, and wore whatever she loved, not bothered that all her mates were different. It just seems so strange that, all of a sudden, she's choosing to be someone that will just "fit in".

Her new boyfriend listens to all that stuff too, and he hates metal etc. So she might naturally not listen to that sort of stuff around him, which leads to not listening to it often at all. Even alone.

She has done that sort of thing in the past. Her boyfriend before me was a complete dick. Really judgemental. Major ego. She had all of these punky/gothic/interesting clothes that she loved just stored at the back of her wardrobe, because if she ever wore it he would just take the piss and make her feel a bit crap. So she just didn't bother to save the hassle. But she always loved the stuff... when we first got together, she was so excited at the fact she could be herself again.

On the other hand, maybe she always loved this new lifestyle deep inside, but has never had the push to just enjoy it... But, meh, I don't think so... Either does her sister, who knows her as much as sisters do...

Like I said though, I'm not disgusted at the fact she's listening to "shit music" or wearing "boring clothes"... I'm just pretty surprised at this whole change.

Unawesome: Oceansize - Feed to Feed 3DVD/4CD set delayed by 2 weeks

Silly people:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/8071865.stm

Silly people:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/8071865.stm

Jesus has got one awesome handlebar tash going on.

[swervedriver]

Being torn a new one by my graduation coach for making a wrong assumption, thus having to re-do 2 simple measurements. I'm only human and occasionally make a mistake, it happens. This whole overreaction by her is fucking unfair and yet I can't tell her that because it'll only piss her off even more. I feel bad for doing something wrong, yeah, but I don't think that warrants a reaction with her yelling in my face about it. If I ever do a PhD it'll definitely on a project that does not involve her. Other students have complained about her about being an unreasonable wench, but in the 7 months I've worked with her now I never really got that. Until today. MEH.

Maybe I need to redo one of those test thingies which tells you what job is best for you according to your interests or something. I can take criticism, as long as it's constructive. Destructive criticism given in a pissed-off way however, not a fan. Not really helping either. It's only making me more insecure about what I'm doing and that doesn't really help my motivation for all this either. Dammit.


Sorry for the rant, had to get it out of my system and I can't exactly go spouting this against people here who work with her as well...

I know exactly how you feel Swerve. My old art teacher was kinda like that, just more in a manipulative way. It's odd.

Un-awesome: I don't know what the hell to do. I'm 19, afraid of bloody everything, but yet I have big dreams I'd love to fulfil. But I'm too afraid to open up about it, because whenever I did, all I was ever told is, "You can't do that. It's not realistic. You can't do that, because of [x, y and z].

So now, at a time where it's crucial to know what I want to do, where to go, etc. I can't, because I have no idea. I have so many doubts about myself, I don't feel like I could ever truely achieve anything. I've gotten over a lot of "Shit to do,because I have too" and now I'd like to do some stuff that I WANT to do, but it just doesn't seem possible. I swear all I feel like I've done the past few years is stuff for other people. I know, in the long run, it's effetive me in positive ways, but I'm just sick of it now.
Yet somehow, I feel like the most vain, self centered person out there.

Maybe I just need a holiday to get my head together.

Sorry for the rather non-descript rant.

I know exactly how you feel Swerve. My old art teacher was kinda like that, just more in a manipulative way. It's odd.

Un-awesome: I don't know what the hell to do. I'm 19, afraid of bloody everything, but yet I have big dreams I'd love to fulfil. But I'm too afraid to open up about it, because whenever I did, all I was ever told is, "You can't do that. It's not realistic. You can't do that, because of [x, y and z].

There are still people well into their 30's who feel that way. I think that's how you're supposed to feel, I do!

Keep dreaming big, that will drive you to get where you want to be, or at least in another cool place, you never know what's going to come your way

Oh and about the 'it's not realistic,' or I hear a lot 'how will you make a career with that?' that's just... try not to let that stop you from moving forward with want you reaaally want to do. You could settle for something more ordinary, but then you probably wouldn't be all that happy. Where there's a will, there's a way ya know?