I just heard a good one!!!!

Bob Geldof, Michael Jackson and Ozzy Osborne were on Titanic in it started to sink rapidly...

"Let's save the children", says Bob Geldof

"Fuck the children", replies Ozzy.

"Can we?", asks Michael Jackson.

Hahaha, classic!

Yeah, absolutely! There are plenty of Joke sites floating around so I just go a-wanderin' until I find something that tickles my fancy...and paste it in. Hopefully you folks like 'em too!

Ahh, that's too bad. I was hoping you just had this incredible cache of jokes stored away in your head and were waiting for this thread to whip it out and show the world. I guess it doesn't matter though as long as they are funny.

Yeah, sorry to disappoint. I'm one of those people who can never remember a joke when asked to tell one. Dunno why.

Meanwhile, back in the Funny Papers...

A salesman goes up to a house and knocks on the door.

It's opened by a little four year old boy who has a lighted cigar in one hand, a glass of whisky in the other and a hard core porn magazine under his arm.

Salesman: "Hello sonny. Is your mum or dad in?"

Little boy: "What the fuck do you think?"

Man in a pub, "If you went camping and woke up in the morning with a bloody condom hanging out of your arse, would you tell anyone?"
Other man, "Bloody hell, no!"
First man, "Want to come camping?"

Minutes before the cremation, the undertaker quietly sat down next to the grieving widow. "How old was your husband?" he asked.

"He was ninety-eight," she answered softly. "Two years older than I am."

"Really?" the undertaker said. "Hardly worth going home, wouldn't you say?"

lol... that's like something out of Futurama

theres a young lad called tim, he's playing soldiers, decides one isnt enough so calls for his mate, bangs at the door and out comes his mate, Sammy, so they are playing soldiers and decide to call for another friend Jonny, so they bang at the door and out pops Jonny... so soldiers they are then they decide to call a ceasfire and call for their other mate called Billy, they bang at the door and out pops his mum, "what do yis want" billy's mum says, "is Billy there we want him to come play soldiers with us" the kids reply, the mum says "sure you know our billy has no arms or legs", "aye thats ok we can use him as a sandbag"

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there were 3 families living in one big house, a white family, a Negro family and a Latin family, one day the house burned down and all but the white famliy perished in the fire, why?


because the adults were out working and the kids were at school

how do we know adam and eve were not aboriginal?

because if they were they would have ate the snake and left the apple

From the immortal Gary Larson:

A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, "Get me a beer before it starts."

The wife sighs and gets him a beer. Fifteen minutes later, he says, "Get me another beer before it starts."

She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him. He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, "Quick, get me another beer, it's going to start any minute."

The wife is furious. She yells at him "Is that all you're going to do tonight? Drink beer and sit in front of that TV? You're nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob, and furthermore . . ."

The man sighs and says, "It's started . . "

The Queen is visiting a hospital and asks the first soldier, "And what are you in here for, soldier?"

To which he replies, "Venereal disease."

"Oh dear, what is the treatment for that then?" "A wire brush and antiseptic."

"Oh really, ahm, what is your ambition then, soldier?"

"To get out of here and serve my country."

"Well done, soldier," says the Queen and moves on to the next bed. "And what are you in here for, soldier?"

To which he replies, "Hemorrhoids."

Oh dear, what is the treatment for that then?"

"A wire brush and antiseptic." "To get out of here and serve my country"

"Well done, soldier" says the Queen and moves on to the next bed. "And what are you in here for, soldier?"

To which he replies "Strep throat."

"Oh dear, what is the treatment for that then?"

"A wire brush and antiseptic."

"Oh really, ahm, what is your ambition then, soldier?"

"To get to the wire brush before those other two bastards!"

Michael Jackson?

Michael Jackson?

huh

Michael Jackson?

Well that is a sick joke. MODERATORS!!!!

i am a moderator bwahahahahaaaaaaaaa *evil cackle*

I love how YoungOne didn't get it though