I've been thinking about breaking up with my girlfriend of 6 months. I've made a list of why I should break up, and why I should stay:

Why I should break up:

1. Her family is fucked up.
2. She lives with her grandparents, who make her life a living hell.
3. I think she's bi-polar (her sister is, so its plausible)
4. She gets in weird, unexplainable moods sometimes.
5. We're going to separate high schools.
6. She has these celebrities that she completely adores, and at one point she said she'd pick Criss Angel over me.
7. She's obsessed with a few of my friends, I think. Seriously ,they're in her dreams. (they're dudes)
8. She tends to take her anger out on me, being that she has no no one else to take it out on.
9. I sometimes feel like she dosen't really care about what I have to say unless it directly relates to her.
10. I give her lots of things and she dosen't really seem to appreciate it.
11. She seems to take me for granted.
12. When she's in a bad mood, I can't cheer her up.
13. Her grandma is insane. She got grounded for a month once because she put her dirty laundry into the basket inside out.
14. My day completely depends on how she is, and how she feels.

things I like about her and would miss:

1. My parents love her.
2. She loves my parents.
3. She's a huge Porcupine Tree fan, she also likes Dream Theater, Devin Townsend, Into Eternity, and Symphony X.
4. She really cares about me, and acts like my mother (if we broke up I would miss this)
5. She thinks of me as her knight in shining armor.
6. She thinks I'm incredibly attractive (look at my avatar)
7. She loves me, and knows me better than anyone else besides my parents.
8. She's the hottest girl on the planet.
9. Her last name is Black.
10. She's really funny alot of the time.
11. Whenever I'm sad, she can cheer me up, or just be compassionate and understanding.
12. She thinks I'm cutest when I'm in my Opeth shirt.
13. I know her better than anyone else.
14. She's my best friend.
15. She has my heart.
16. I love her.

So yeah, what do you guys think I should do? Oh, and please, none of the "oh your too young you don't know shit" type comments please. Pretend I'm like, 20.

1. Her family is fucked up.
2. She lives with her grandparents, who make her life a living hell.
3. I think she's bi-polar (her sister is, so its plausible)

i think those are reasons to stay with her, she needs your support.
but the real question is : do you still love her? if you do dont break up, no relationship is perfect

but the real question is : do you still love her? if you do dont break up, no relationship is perfect

That.

First of all I'd like to say that if you need relationship advice, ask your parents and friends and all that, not some people on the internet. They will know you and your girlfriend and the whole situation so they'll probably have more sensible things to say.

But now that you have asked...

I think some of the things you mentioned aren't valid reasons to break up, such as the family things. Does it really matter to you that her family is 'fucked up', does that really influence the relationship in a negative way? Sure it can't be fun if your girlfriend gets grounded every time she looks at her grandmother the wrong way but you can't really blame her now can you? And if her family is really that bad, she'll probably want to move out soon and that'll be sorted.

Since you two are in a relationship, I suggest you talk to her about the things that bother you. That's what people do you know Maybe you can work some of that stuff out and all will be well again. Maintaining a healthy relationship takes effort from both sides, everyone has to make concessions and accept the flaws of the other. If you're willing to do that, you're fine.


I do think too much about this sort of stuff

but the real question is : do you still love her? if you do dont break up, no relationship is perfect

Yes, I still love her. It's just that parts of her life drive me crazy. Like her 19 year old sister had a baby. Does she, the mother, take care of it? No, she moves out and leaves the baby behind to the grandparents and my girl. The baby's pretty much become my girlfriend's son. His first word was her name. And I know that isn't her fault, but still, wouldn't that bother you?

I don't think I'll leave her though, she does need my support and if I did leave her, she might just run away or maybe even kill herself. She's thought about it before. She needs me. I guess its just that her family bothers me, and this is a family I could be someday marrying into (don't tell me that's a pipe dream, my mom and dad started going out when they were my age) and most of them are insane! But I'll stay with her, as long as we love each other that's all that matters.

Oh, and I did talk to my parents. Apparently my dad went through the same thing with my mom when he was my age. Thats both creepy and promising.

I kind of know how you feel, my girlfriends family is far from normal
when i met her about 5 years ago i was also thinking about breaking up because i just was so tired of constantly hearing all this negative crap. but i was like fuck them is my girlfriend that counts. I still despise a big part of her family but i kind of got over it and just accepted that there is nothing i can change about those people so i might as well make the best out of it with my girlfriend

The fact also that she takes her moods and pours them over you, (from a girl's point) points out that she wants and needs your support with her life.
How would her life be without you helping her, letting her get rid of all the bad she's feeling inside.

My advice is that since you recognise a lot of your and her feelings, stick with her.

I know my family is weird, but it's sometimes hard for me to remember that other people might see it in totally different way.
When my little brother was born, we moved into a big house from quite small apartment.
Living there we developed quite loud speaking voice, because I had my room the opposite side of house, and main rooms where in the other end.
So, we have a really loud voice and I sometimes forget that now that I live with my someday-husband.
He has to remind me that I am not at mommy-home anymore, and our apartment (even thouhg it's big) it's not as big as our house
And I am from different region, so we have our own "slang" that seems to him like I am insulting him, when I'm only talking as we do where I come from.
But now that he knows all this, and knows my family, he can understand it and not freak out anymore from everything I do the way I was used to do.
I have lived with him for almoust 3 years now, but I did spend my whole life before that in the surroundings I learned my habits from..

But this was kinda off-topic, and you asked, should you stay with her.
I am again answering, yes.

As has been mentioned before, you two need to be able to talk about your problems and both make efforts for each other. If you can do that without having your relationship being all about solving problems, I'd say you're in a very good place.

Plan to do something you know she'll love and talk with her about the heavy stuff before. So if you get into all the things that need to be said your immidiate next activity will be something fun for both of you.

That's what I would do and have done.

Don't let other people be in control of what you feel for each other!

Let other people be in control of what you feel for each other!

in utmost accordance to that, i say

BREAK UP and then STOP ANNOYING PPL ON THE INTERWEBZ

Jesus christ why are you asking a bunch of internet goons such as ourselves, work it out yourself man.

Let other people be in control of what you feel for each other!

in utmost accordance to that, i say

BREAK UP and then STOP ANNOYING PPL ON THE INTERWEBZ

Actually. I think he should stay with her, but still get off the webz. Maybe spend more time with her than on teh computer?

From list A: 1, 4,8, 11 and 12 can be applied to almost anyone I have ever had a relationship with.

from list B: 7,14,15,16 probably answer your question pretty succinctly.

I say you should talk to her about the problem. If she understands, the problem is fixed. If she gets in a fight with you, you were contemplating breaking up anyway.

In its most basic form of looking at it, if you love the girl, and the girl loves you. That should tell you something about how the relationship should stand.. But obviously there's excess that makes it very not basic.

If her family is mental, its not something that can't be overcome by ye both sticking it out through it together. I'm sure you supporting her when things get bad will make you get to better grips with it as well. (Speaking from experience here, my girlfriend has a little brother who has a disorder that puts strain like you would not believe on her family, and her parents - mother in particular - take it out on her a lot, and often heap pressure on her, and, like your girl, she is often left feeling like she is responsible for her brother more than her Mom is, and that ain't easy. She despises living at home, can't stand it, it drives me fucking crazy, but I try my damn hardest every time stuff happens or goes bad to pull her through and when that smile comes back to her face we both feel all the better and all the closer for it.) So my advice there would be, instead of letting the lunacy drive you apart, make it into something to bring ye closer together and help each other out with it. It worked for me.

If she's a bit mental herself, you've just gotta roll with that if you love the girl. Again, relating to my own relationship, my girl gets her mood swings, often when she gets angry she'll take it out on me, when she feels shit I feel bad and so on as you said yourself about moodiness and all that. But that is who she is. Just like she doesn't really like that I have a really short fuse and a vicious temper and have slightly sociopathic tendencies. But she deals with it. You gotta take the good with the bad. You can't change who or what she is, and you can't control who or what she is. Nobody is perfect. Everybody's got little quirks and shit that can drive you nuts but in the greater scheme of things, they can be dealt with and you can get on with it all and be better off as a result.

If you feel she doesn't appreciate you, or that she's fantasising lustfully after your friends or whatever, the only way to get over that is talking. As with most of this other shit, and as most people above have said. You've gotta talk to the girl, man. Don't give us these lists and tell us what problems and great things alike there are, tell her that. Tell her you love her but your family drives you crazy, tell her you think she's gorgeous but you could do without the friend-related fantasy, tell her how she makes you feel and how you try so hard to make her feel good too. So yeah, I'm being a broken record here, but just talk to her. Find somewhere quiet, away from all the crazy shit, maybe somewhere significant in the 6 months ye've had together, and just talk shit out, let emotions run, and see where it leads ye. Whatever happens then, at least ye'll know ye did everything ye could with the relationship, it'll either go on and ye'll be tighter than ever before, or it could end, hopefully on good terms, and ye can push on in life and not feel sad when ye look back at what ye had.

So in short, basically, without all the bull, one word solution: Talk.

My girlfriend implied I was gay to her family. 25% believed her. The remaining 75 didn't care either way.Her dogs are the only members of the clan who remember me. Her mother refers to me in a "that tallish guy you know the one with the beard uhhhh jeff gary gethsemanae?" type fashion. Seeing as I know that I'm in the relationship to spend time with an intelligent, witty, literate, lovely girl actions of others don't matter. I mean if I was seeking a surrogate family or inlaws then maybe it would be relevant.

i couldn't read everything yet, but i can tell you this, and i can tell you this completely certain that it is the truth:


everything in life, especially relationships, is about cost/benefits. While the benefits are worth the cost, stick with it.
I've had a mental/bipolar/fucked up family/way-worse-than-your-situation girlfriend once, and i can tell you: the WORST THING i did with my life was sticking with her trying to help her out.

Cause the truth is: you can't help a person who doesn't REALLY want to be helped. AT ALL. No matter how hard you try.
So, don't stick with her just to help her out. Stick with her cause it's GOOD for you (rationally thinking, not emotionally). Relationships are supposed to be RELATIONSHIPS, and not problem-solving.
I've learnt it the hard way, and hell, i bet you will too, cause we never learn from other people's advices

good luck, though, mate =)