What do Michael Jackson & Santa Claus have in common?


They both like to go into little boys rooms to empty their sack!



What do Kurt Cobain and a Ferrari Testarossa have in common?


They're both open top!



Did you hear Kurt Cobain had blue eyes?


One blew one way and one the other...



Whats the difference between an egg and masturbation?


You can beat an egg...

What begins in SH and ends in IT?...............SHIRT :d

A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.

"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."

The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech.

"And what if I swallow it?"

"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."

Where do you get all these jokes Coma? You're the unofficial forum jester.

Where do you get all these jokes Coma? You're the unofficial forum jester.

Cut and paste from Google searches?

Chris

Yeah, absolutely! There are plenty of Joke sites floating around so I just go a-wanderin' until I find something that tickles my fancy...and paste it in. Hopefully you folks like 'em too!

10 Reasons Trick or Treating is better than SEX

10. You're guaranteed to get at least a
little something in the sack.

9. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes
and go at it again.

8. The uglier you look, the easier
it is to get some.

7. You don't have to compliment the
person who gave you candy.

6. The person giving you candy doesn't
fantasize you're someone else.

5. If you get a stomach ache,
it won't last 9 months.

4. If you wear your Batman mask,
no one thinks you're kinky.

3. It doesn't matter if the kids hear
you moaning and groaning.

2. You'll feel less guilt the next morning.

1. If you don't get what you want you can always go next door!!

These are funny 'classroom posters'

Sean Connery has fallen on hard times.

All the work has dried up and he's sat at home twiddling his thumbs and watching Goldfinger on DVD.

Suddenly, however, the phone rings and he answers it - his excitement mounting as he realises it's his agent.

"Sean," says the agent, "I've got a job for you. Starts tomorrow, but you've got to get their early, around 10-ish." Sean frowns, "Tennish?", he replies.

"But I haven't even got a racket."

What was the last think Kurt said to Courtney?

Hole's gonna be big...

i think Courtney's Hole is bigger than any man woman or child could ever imagine

lmfao

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends late one night, the drunk led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong.

"What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked.

"Why, that's the talking clock" the man replied.

"How does it work?"

"Watch", the man said, giving it an ear-shattering pound with a hammer.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "For fuck's sake, you wanker, it's 2 am in the fucking morning!!"

the brains of ireland, a french priest, an english cricketer and an aussie backpacker.... all on some chartered flight.

everything is going well until the pilot comes rushing in screaming and yelling :

"...shit, fuck, we're gonna crash and there are only 4 parachutes and I am taking one of them...."

before anyone had the slightest idea what was happening the door was opened and he was gone.

the priest stands up :

"...I'm a man of god and have souls to save I'm taking one of them..."

again before they could even react he was gone!!

next up pops the smartest man of Ireland:

"...guys I have a quiz show to attend to, Irelands pride is at stake so I'm taking one of them..."

the aussie backpacker and the english crieter look at each other in amazment, the english cricketer says :

"...what the fuck are we gonna do now we have only one parachute left.."

then the aussie says:

"...wouldnt worry about that, brains of fucking ireland just jumped out with my rucksack!.."

irishman, scottsman and an englishman all working away on a building site.

happy as pig in shit they have a lunch break, the englishman opens up his lunch box to find ham and cheese sandwiches on the menu. The sottsman opens his up and finds cornbeef sandwiches, the irishman opens his up to find salad sandwiches.

so... progressing into the contract and after many many lunch hours later the english guy, while sitting on a lunch break, comes to a realisation. "...hey guys, dont ya notice we've been getting the same fucking lunches everyday for the last couple of months?", they all agree "..aye, yer fecking right"......

.....so the english guys comes up with a plan, "right lads, if at the end of our contract we are still getting the same lunches we'll all kill ourselves"

they all agree.

so week after week and lunch break after lunch break there is still no change, on the last day of the contract and the final lunch break they one by one open up their lunch boxes to find the same lunch, so they stick to their word and one by one jump off the building to their deaths.

so some weeks passed by and during the inquest the irishmans wife says :

"...I just cant undertsand why he killed himself cos he makes his own lunch for himself everyday..."

Yeah, absolutely! There are plenty of Joke sites floating around so I just go a-wanderin' until I find something that tickles my fancy...and paste it in. Hopefully you folks like 'em too!

Ahh, that's too bad. I was hoping you just had this incredible cache of jokes stored away in your head and were waiting for this thread to whip it out and show the world. I guess it doesn't matter though as long as they are funny.