It is a little known fact that Chuck Norris created the leaning tower of pisa when he rolled over while sunbathing. His penis slammed into the building, crushing the foundation.

Mr.T and Chuck Norris went vacationing in snowy South Dakota. Mr. T said to Chuck, "You know Mr. Norris, (He called him that out of fear of being roundhouse kicked) I bet I can pee in the snow and make a more beautiful work of art than you can."

After a swift kick to Mr T's face, Chuck bellowed, "Your on T!"

Mr T. unzipped and unraveled his man stalk and after an hour of grunting and groaning, a perfect yellow and white replica of the "Last Supper" laid steaming in the snow.

Chuck laughed and said, "Not bad Mr T."

Chuck quickly unzipped, and like a scene out of "Clash of the Titans", the Kraken had left its cage. Little is known what happened next, but the results of carnage has been named Mt. Rushmore. It is a little known fact that the third figure on the mountain is not Teddy Roosevelt, it is in fact a self portrait of Chuck Norris because in his words "I wanted to see what I would look like without the beard."

http://www.travelsd.com/parks/rushmore/

word.

Chuck Norris challenged God to a game of tic-tac-toe one day. Chuck Norris won on the first turn.

Chuck Norris once read a superhero comic book and got really pissed. It was Superman.

Chuck Norris is actually the world's largest supplier of diamonds. He shoves pieces of charcoal up his ass and pops out a diamond after a couple of seconds. He can do this and chew gum at the same time. The gum turns into diamonds too.

God created Chuck Norris. Then he gave up creationism.

Chuck Norris is actually a fictional character, He is acctually Walker: Texas Ranger (its a reality show)

Class.

Happy Birthday Chuck.

And now a random fact about Vin Diesel...

Vin Diesel owns all of the #1 pencils.

President Bush loves Vin Diesel because he saved him from that whole Iraq war/fixed election whooten-nanny.

Against popular belief, Vin Diesel did NOT star in "The Fast And The Furious". It was in fact his younger brother, Rim Diesel. When Vin found out about his brother using his name, he flew into a murderous rage and beat his brother to death with his own veins. Onlookers were quoted as saying "It would have been ironic if Vin had been Fast and Furious; however, he was actually rather slow and placid."

Once Vin Diesel had an epiphany and it resulted with the manifestation of all 57 varieties of Heinz (including the green and purple ketchup).

Vin Diesel is slightly more soluble in water than most people.

Vin Diesel consumed 16oz. of Chinese mustard, breathed fire, then proceeded to climb the Empire State Building after watching the 1930's version of King Kong.

When playing chess with Vin Diesel be careful he doesn't...

1) Eat your children.
2) Destroy china with his left hand while you're not looking.
3) Find, torture, rape, give a make over to your daughter.
4) Manage to consume the entire population of THE WORLD before eating your BLT sandwich.
5) Fiddle with your bollocks.

In the rare occasion you beat Vin Diesel he will will eat your children, hide your home in his sleeve, cause a flood within 50 meters of your residence and shoot you in the face.

Van Diesel was once mistaken for David Copperfield by a street gang and had to perform a random act of magic in order to be allowed on his way.

Vin Diesel routed packets on the early ARPANET by hand.

Vin Diesel kills Dumbledore in Harry Potter 6 because Vin was bored.

Vin Diesel found the real-life Stargate. He travels through it from time to time just to show the other races out there who's boss.

The song "Mr. Bojangles" is about Vin Diesel.

Of the ten dimensions proposed by String Theory, dimensions five through ten exist only in the mind of Vin Diesel.

Wrestles himself when no one is looking.

in Diesel not only walks to the beat of his own drummer, he dances to the spin of his own dreidel and eats to the tune of Bon Jovi.



Not as good as Chuck, but fair enough

http://www.4q.cc/index.php?pid=fact&person=vin

Chuck Norris is kvlt. Vin Diesel is merely the chavvish hero (at least here).

(nerd fact: Chuck Norris can restore backup made on /dev/null)

Chuck Norris is kvlt. Vin Diesel is merely the chavvish hero (at least here).

(nerd fact: Chuck Norris can restore backup made on /dev/null)

True

He also has root privileges to /dev/beard /dev/roundhousekick and /home/user/blackeye

You know I didn't realize the difficulty of spelling the word "privilege"

Chuck invented dead calm. Once he pissed against the wind and the wind didn't back off. This is consequently the reason why lawyers can't touch Chuck Norris! As we all know, lawyers turn as the wind blows and the wind blows as Chuck Norris pisses.

Why is there day and night? Every evening the light contests Chuck Norris in running the 100 metres. Chuck Norris wins everytime and the light vanishes in shame. Then, just because he can, every morning Chuck Norris says: "Fiat Lux!" Just as he did the first time.

I'm trying.

M2M sent me these awhile ago. Sorry if any are repeated.




When Vin Diesel drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.

If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives."

There is no "I" in team. There are two "I"s in Vin Diesel. Fuck you, team.

When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.

When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Vin Diesel!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

Vin Diesel once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

Crop circles are Vin's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

When Vin Diesel jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Vin instead.

Vin Diesel has two speeds: walk and kill.

Vin Diesel has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULLSHIT!" They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Vin ate him for good measure. The incident has since been refered to as Christmas.

Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.

Vin Diesel doesn't believe in rubber condoms. Instead, he sticks his penis in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while fucking another.

In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Vin Diesel, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.

Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.

You are what you eat. That is why Vin Diesel's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

Vin Diesel can divide by zero.

Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Vin Diesel punched himself in the face.

Vin Diesel played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.

Vin Diesel was the hunter who shot Bambi's Mother. He then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local children's hospital.

If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this Vin replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.

Vin Diesel coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.

On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

When Vin Diesel does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

Vin Diesel invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

Vin Diesel defied MC Hammer and touched it.