Heya,

Some of you might remember me posting a thread about raising money for a licence for a Devin's song 'Drench'... well I raised the money and got the licence so here you go:

Critique appreciated! Hope you enjoy it! (maybe not suited for kids so parents and young users beware of some blood and hints of violence)

http://vimeo.com/25082903

Hey, I remember when you asked permission to use 'Drench'. I remember wondering how the short would look like.
Well, I think it's pretty cool globally, although there are some flaws to it (my opinion). Some of the good things you put in there were a bit overused and thus making it a bit 'too much' if you know what I mean.

For instance rythm is balanced but it's just too slow (I guess that's how undergound movies go these days), good image quality, you obviously can manage some cinema tricks like slow-motion but there's too much of it. The atmosphere is really great. Great use of filters etc... I really enjoyed the sequence where the girl runs in the snow. Also the 'Drentch' intro running on repeat was a good idea.

Now about the themes. Death is a very common theme in cinema, but I think you handled it pretty well. Though I didn't quite understand the whole of it. Why do these kids fight, what is their relation to the sword kid and the dying granma, why is the girl packing and drinking coffee? (Ziltoid maybe?) Obviously you wanted to include all kinds of death that can occur (old age and sickness, killing and suicide) but I can't find out what's your point in this. Is it that we all die eventually? That we shouldn't run away from it? That's too many questions for me dude. Personally I need to understand what I'm watching. I'm not against open endings or multiple interpretations but I need to be able to see the different interpretations distinctively.

Let me tell you this: I work in comic books and in some aspects it's similar to movies. Making a comic book or a movie (or a play etc...) is about storytelling. You must keep that in mind when you decide what path you take when you start the process of making a film, especially a short one. Shorts are much more difficult than regular films because you just don't have enough time to properly tell a story. I know that cuz I used to make short graphic novels (I once made one about Edgecrusher, a story from Fear Factory's Obsolete). Considering that I think you did well there.

Now maybe I'm a bit rough with you but that's because I can see real potential in you. This was done for filming school, right? I know schools can be really lame and teachers tend to force their own point of view on students and that's bad. But your work seems to stand on it's own. Maybe you should add some dialog (with subs or a narrator.

Anyway, I may be a little too critic but that's so you can go on and get better a what you do, and if you really love film making then never let go of that dream.
No matter what old farts like me are saying. I think you work deserves a solid 7/10 because technically it was beautifully achieved.

Oh and one last thing, check out this link. It's a short by Cameron Duncan, a young film maker who died of cancer at age 17. He was so great he caught Peter Jackson's attention and was somewhat taken under his care. His short is also about dying, I think he can be very inspiring. Ok, here's the link

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-vy666l28U8

Well, hope I helped;
See ya!

Thanks for the input! I didn't find your critique rough at all. I really hate the "ok"s anyways..

I indeed am a student in a film school and they really are doing everything they can to "keep us in order"... This short was done outside of school with no money and only using our own equipment.

Now considering your critique about the "story" or the lack of it. I meant the film to be open for multiple interpretations and I know some people don't like it. I didn't want a story going from a point a to b in a normal way. What I wanted to tell was 4 different and completely irrelevant stories where the characters are just doing something and then dying. What I was aiming at was a particular mood/feeling and I think I kinda got there... Because this way, I thought, I could put emphasis on the randomness and the absurdity of our lives and especially the sometimes so very thin line between life and death.

Last night at the films premiere some one said to me: "I like how all the crazy shit was happening while the old lady was just sleeping!" And the next guy came to me and said: "The death of the old lady was so intense..." Silently I laughed a little

About the pace: While I was editing this, a film editor came to me and said that the film was too slow too. He suggested that I should take of some 2 minutes off of it. I did. Showed the film again to him and he said (and I agreed) that "wow... I'm not sure what happened... the story is there, but it just doesn't flow the way it used to." I believe it's interesting to take a fraction of time and stretch it a bit too slow so that we can REALLY see and feel the absurdity of it. Now.. again I know some people will not like the slowness of it, and even I sometimes, when being too stressed etc, watch the film and think it's too slow.. But last night at the premiere I liked how it nailed some of the people and the slowly moving Drench just makes the experience a lot better!

About the "why"s of the story... I really can't tell you. Why do people fight? Why are people in a rush? Why do we get old? Why do we do extremely stupid things like shove a sword down our throats... Dunno

I'm extremely humbled that you wrote such a lenghty review and appreciate every aspect of it! I'm at the moment on a train going to a summer cottage (have to edit a documentary there...) so I'll watch the film you posted when I get to my destination.

Thank you, and to the rest of you: Watch the film!

Lol, I didn't mean to say that it lacks of story, just that I didn't understand the whole of it. But it sure didn't leave me emotionless. I globally liked it, and again... great atmosphere
Simple question: did the guy really swallow that sword or is it a trick?
Also check the other shorts by Cameron Duncan, they're mindblowing. I hope Dev sees your film and comments it.

That short was very touching. Great work especially for so young a boy..

The sword swallowing is not a trick. He is the only sword swallower in Finland. I contacted him via Facebook and he was very interested about the project. When we were shooting the scene all of the crew were very afraid because what he did IS actually dangerous and the way he did it was scaaaaary..

As someone who works in a place where death is quite real every day (yeah, that sounds morbid), I really enjoyed your film - there was something quite violent about your portrayal of death. Each instance seemed violent to me, even the lady who dies in her sleep. I don't mean physical violence. I felt an impending doom that death was creeping up to snatch away the life of the people in the film...it is difficult to explain what I mean. I didn't NEED a story line - the film was about death, not about the characters. Does that make sense?

I also did not find the film too slow. It is so beautifully directed and the choice of music was perfect. I honestly could not take my eyes off of the screen.

I watched Cameron's film as well. I have to say, I think all people who work in hospital (where I work, if you haven't figured it out), should watch BOTH films. The end emotion is quite different after each, it would be an interesting discussion to have with, for example, nursing students, who I think would benefit from a philosophical discussion about death and dying, not just the nursing care of the death and dying.

I have a friend in NYC who makes films as well, would you mind if I sent him a link to yours?

Thank you for sharing. I would be interested in seeing your other creations!

Makes me happy when people find it worth watching and of course send a link to your friend in NYC!

I never thought about patients and people working in hospitals seeing this film... It would be very interesting to hear what different philosophical views would come up in a discussion in a situation you described for example.

Thank you for your kinds words.

Powerful imagery. I think I won't be able to hear Drench again without recalling this film.

Imho, the film works well like this without a clear story. It somehow emphasises how death and accidents can happen, without there being any particular reasons.

I quite enjoyed it as well. The use of Drench was good; I liked the pacing and intertwining of events. Love the sword swallowing guy.

My analysis of the video.. although it's a depressing theme, death is an inevitability. In accepting the inevitability of death, you can learn to apply meaning to your living moments and make the best of your time on this earth.

Maybe all the scenes are connected? Is the sword swallower using a samurai sword? Could be a reference to seppuku, the Japanese tradition of committing suicide if you have been dishonored. The desire to have a meaningful death and to die with honor?

The sword swallower was wearing an Opeth shirt. The song Deliverance by Opeth, a progressive death metal band, is about a man who drowns a woman for the immediate desire to do so, but is left questioning why he had the need to do so and is left only with the scars within. Could be the antithesis of a meaningful death.

There is an old woman who appears to die peacefully in her bed with old age. This is the sort of death that most people would wish for their loved ones. Yet the woman suddenly rushing out the door, possibly hearing the news of her grandmother about to pass, feels the pain all the same.. I don't think she dies in the snow but rather collapses knowing that her relative has already passed and is still left with the emotional wounds even though she died peacefully.

Pretty cool as a visual piece regardless if there is any deeper meaning.

In response to the Cameron Duncan short, it's interesting and sad that suffering can sometimes bring out inspiration and beauty. Not that you should have to suffer to fully appreciate a piece of art, but not take for granted what you have.

Thanks everyone for the comments!

@_oppuld: "Pretty cool as a visual piece regardless if there is any deeper meaning." Sure there is. You Interpreted it one way. You raised some very interesting ideas and thoughts.

Have to say the meaning behind the Opeth t-shirt, while entertaining with the Deliverance stuff and all, is way more simpler than that.. But maybe I'll start telling your story when people now ask about it

I'm just sending the film around film festivals in Europe. Hope we'll get the film (and Devin!) on big screens for people to see (and hear!)

EDIT: Hah. Just found out that Elements Music Publishing sent me Deconstruction & Ghost. Extremely nice of them! too bad I bought them already