[The Dev]

For the fan it can be a once-in-a-lifetime chance to say to a person who has inspired you how you really feel,

...totally. And the balancing act is also : "I'm in a self depricating state of mind, I'm sick of my music, I'm sick of my fascination with my own dramas, I wish folks would realize that I'm trumpeting my own sufferings in a way that on some subconcious level wants to be the reclusive martyr type, and the sudden awareness of that compounds my embarassment 20 fold when someone waxes hyperbolic' ...my process is analysis, and those antisocial states of mind are pretty regular...so patience is a virtue at that point when someone needs to tell you something that makes you uncomfortable...

I've made the mistake in the past of cutting someone off and saying 'man, get a grip...you're tripping me out' and then seeing a look of embarassment and confusion that ends in resentment.

Ultimately, my analytical approach is second nature. I'm proud of how it is evolving...I offhandedly noticed how much my current output uses 'we' rather than 'I', and maybe it's age or experience, but I find that encouraging and more than a little relieving...

As well...there's some folks who look up to the observations as some sort of wisdom, which I appreciate, as lots of it is hard earned, but also, a 21 year old soul often sees a 40 year old soul as wiser than themselves...but really, it's lots to do with age as well. I hate the realization that there are some dramas that 21 year olds go through (and 25, 27, 30, 50, 80 etc) that are pretty universal...and no one likes those dramas to be trivialized with an observation of 'oh you'll grow out of it...' but you know...I'm currently growing out of things by 60 year old friends suffer through when I'm having 'epiphanies'.

anyways...blah blah blah g'nite...

[Octillus]

At the point of writing this I guess I'm starting to get off topic... but it's such a nice rant I'm going to let it go.

Well I guess from my perspective as a youngin', I know that I'm in fact a giant nerd (Hey, nerdyness paid the bills last year), but I hate to be THAT guy. You know, the dude that's a little too obsessive over the things he's into. However, I tend to like the things I do like a lot because there's little out there that really catches my interest.

Shit, I got into your music more than casually when I holed up in my dorm room 5 years ago and played a pirated (hey the game was defunct at this point) copy of Phantasy Star Online on my computer and just listen to Ocean Machine over and over while fighting weird plant chickens on alien planets.

But yeah, one of the things that irks me is when I'm lumped in with one of those dudes who just really wants to know a little too much about a dude's personal life. When I was at the acoustic show at Mevio, the dude there kept calling me a super-fan. Dude, do you know how awkward that is? Hell, it was awkward enough that it was me and some high school kid (totally a nice guy though) who was dropped off by his parents were the only two people there. To be called a super-fan over and over when the guy you're there to see because you totally respect his artistic output, but is also unnerved by said "super-fans." I mean, I'm just there for the music man, not some transcendental moment where I begin to photosynthesize to sustain energy.

At the same time, art has odd effects on people. I'm not exactly established or anything, but what I do is write. So, I mean, I'm known in my department at the university as one of the few people that can churn out a decent script for shooting. And it's really odd because, a couple weeks ago I had one of those moments with people inquiring too much personally. One of the other guys in the department who wanted to put a reel together for his resume, and he just kept asking me about why I was gone from school for a year, and he just kept poking and poking and it really started to piss me off. I'm far from an angry guy, but I could see how someone who's like got an artistic output is totally like "This is the full extent of my extroverted persona," because that's exactly how I felt. And dude, the stuff I write about is silly and hardly the intensely personal stuff that's thrown out there like you do, Dev.

It sucks, but I have to schmooze to develop contacts with people so I can hopefully develop job prospects in the future. So dude, I have a total respect for someone who can just put their personal side out there, and basically be able to dial it back when enough is enough.

This is why--despite my nearly 5 year obsession with listening to Devin Townsend tunes and my mild star-struckness--when I saw Devin walking down the sidewalk before the show I settled with a quick and efficient high-five.

Oh, and about the Religion discussions:

If heaven IS real, Steve Vai would be there playing For The Love Of God while looking at everything down beyond the clouds.

but also, a 21 year old soul often sees a 40 year old soul as wiser than themselves...but really, it's lots to do with age as well.

Curiously, I don't get that so much on here. More a bunch of 21 yr old assholes who see me as a wise-ass old gimmer. Fortunately I don't have to shoulder the responsibility that goes along with the adulation that Dev does so can cheerily tell them to stop whining and form an emo band.

The expectation of fans for artists to live up to their persona 24/7 is a tough thing. I know a couple of people who are very famous and very notorious for their hell-raising hard-drinking, partying, drug-taking antics when they were younger. 15 years on from that they have survived, are clean and just getting on with their music but face the dilemma that almost every fan they meet wants to chop them out a line or slam a bottle of Jack or whatever and is horrified that they just don't do that shit anymore - usually taking it as a personal affront, a betrayal.

Ultimately, my analytical approach is second nature. I'm proud of how it is evolving...I offhandedly noticed how much my current output uses 'we' rather than 'I', and maybe it's age or experience, but I find that encouraging and more than a little relieving...

I don't usually get involved in the long discussions or leave paragraphs of waxing...but I must ask. I know you are an uber-emotional or at least emotion driven dude. How does that work with the analytical approach being second nature? Is it something you ever have to work at? I know for most addicts, emotional intelligence seems hard to come by.

For years, the gap of time between a thought and an action for me was virtually non-existent, and always got me in trouble. I noticed that gap started getting longer when I cut out the drugs, alcohol, and bad people in my life and started surrounding myself with emotionally intelligent people. School helps too. And age.

I am by far not where I want to be with it, but it's getting better. Just wondering how that works for you.

Curiously, I don't get that so much on here. More a bunch of 21 yr old assholes who see me as a wise-ass old gimmer. Fortunately I don't have to shoulder the responsibility that goes along with the adulation that Dev does so can cheerily tell them to stop whining and form an emo band.

I'm a 32 year old asshole who still thinks you're a wise-ass old gimmer.

[The Dev]

Yo Octillus:

Yeah, that guy calling you a superfan was pretty rude to you, just so you know... it was uncomfortable for me as well, because I knew you guys just wanted to hear some tunes.

The dilemma of what a fan is to do, I understand. And thats what I mean...I have to have my game face all the time. For example: A misinterpretation of my spiritual beliefs based on a shit mood, or a flustered mind can leave someone with a serious bad taste if the music has had an effect on them. So I usually don't spend much time in public to avoid those situations if I can.

However, when it happens...it's all good. Again, it's a huge part of the job...and a choice.


d

Whatever man. People just need to separate the art from the artist. Once you put the art out there its my job to interpret it and what I get may be way off base but it's how it makes me feel. I may go all giddy and shit if I saw you on the street and want to say hey but if you blew me off because of whatever there's no way I could give up on the music thats awesome and inspiring for me. Billy Bob Thornton is a great example of duechebaggery. I still absolutely love his work as an actor. I may want to punch him in the face if i saw him out in the world but I'm not going to burn my copies of Bad Santa or Sling Blade.

Billy Bob Thornton is a great example of duechebaggery. I still absolutely love his work as an actor. I may want to punch him in the face if i saw him out in the world but I'm not going to burn my copies of Bad Santa or Sling Blade.

Haha Bad Santa is fuckin golden.

"He said... you aint gonna..... S-H-I-T right for a week."

I love that movie. makes you fall in love with an asshole

Dave Mustaine...

uh-oh, here comes a shitfest.

Dave Mustaine...

uh-oh, here comes a shitfest.

lol... can't listen to the man talk and am constantly put off by him watching himself in the monitor at live shows. Megadeth is still one of my favorite bands and I can't wait to see Megadeth and Testament!!!

[The Dev]

The scene in Bad Santa where the alarm goes off, and he can't turn off the christmas carols...then throws bottle after bottle at it

...'FUCK you!!! FUCK you!!!FUCK you...'

Love it...been there.

there are no answers... only more questions...

thats how i find life anyway.

when i was on tour, i always found it really weird when people asked me to sign stuff for them. I never felt that i deserved to be signing stuff, as ive never considered myself to be anything other than what I am (although what i am is another question I internalise a lot), and having also been the kind of person who would ASK someone for an autograph, because whoever im asking is in my eyes someone who has made my life in some ways a better place to be (or at least offered me a sanctuary from myself - or indeed an extention of myself - through music), i find it totally alien to be on the recieving end of such a request. such things make touring quite a weird if not an exciting experience. when im not on tour, i miss it, and when i am on tour, i miss myself.

its such a contridiction, but thats just one of the mysteries of the multiverse.