ay caramba that cheered me up

thanks!

How many men does it take to open a beer?




























None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Says the single guy.

Ha, good point!

What could be worse? It's opened AND empty by the time she brings it.

what do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?

doyathinkhesaurus

you know you loved it...

how many emos does it take to change a light bulb?
















none-they just sit in the dark and cry

love that one

How many muslims does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they just sit in the dark and blame the jews.

A women pregnant with triplets is shot 3 times by a bank robber. The doctor says that removing the bullets is too risky and decides to leave them in. She later gives birth to 2 girls and one boy. Years later one daughter comes running up to her and says "Mommy mommy!! I was going tinkle and a bullet came out!" shocked, the mother explains to her what happened. Later on her other daughter comes up to her and says "Mommy mommy!! I was going tinkle and a bullet came out!" the mother explains again. Later on her son comes running up to her and says "Mommy mommy!! I was-" the mom says "Let me guess, you were going tinkle and a bullet came out?" and the son says "No, I was jerking off and I shot the dog"

One evening a man was eating peanuts by throwing them in the air and catching them in his mouth. As he threw one in the air, his wife asked him a question. When the man turned his head, the peanut fell in his ear. He tried to get it out, but his fingers were to big. His wife tried to get the peanut out with a pair of tweezers, but just pushed it in farther. They finally decided to go to the hospital.
As they were about to leave, their daughter and her date came home. They told them their situation and theirs daughters date said he could get it out for him. The daughters date put his two fingers in her fathers nose and told him to blow real hard. It worked and the peanut fell out. The daughter and her date went up stairs and the man and his wife talked about how smart the boy was in coming up with that idea.
The man's wife asked, "I wonder what he's going to be when he grows up."
The man says, "From the smell of his fingers, he's going to be our son-in-law".

A man walkis into a brothel. He walks up to the pimp who is conveiniently sitting behind a counter. The man scratches his head and says "I only have $3" the pimp smiles and replies "Thats ok sir, you can afford the dead hooker". "Ill take it!" exclaims the man, and the pimp guides him to the room.

An hour later the man walks out of the room and to the front desk where he gives the pimp $3. "How was it?" asks the pimp. "It was great! but for some reason the dead hookers nose was a little runny" and the pimp replies "oh shes just full".

A women pregnant with triplets is shot 3 times by a bank robber. The doctor says that removing the bullets is too risky and decides to leave them in. She later gives birth to 2 girls and one boy. Years later one daughter comes running up to her and says "Mommy mommy!! I was going tinkle and a bullet came out!" shocked, the mother explains to her what happened. Later on her other daughter comes up to her and says "Mommy mommy!! I was going tinkle and a bullet came out!" the mother explains again. Later on her son comes running up to her and says "Mommy mommy!! I was-" the mom says "Let me guess, you were going tinkle and a bullet came out?" and the son says "No, I was jerking off and I shot the dog"

Someone who not only tells their Mom that they jacked off, but they were also jerking off towards the dog That really is a funny joke

One evening a man was eating peanuts by throwing them in the air and catching them in his mouth. As he threw one in the air, his wife asked him a question. When the man turned his head, the peanut fell in his ear. He tried to get it out, but his fingers were to big. His wife tried to get the peanut out with a pair of tweezers, but just pushed it in farther. They finally decided to go to the hospital.
As they were about to leave, their daughter and her date came home. They told them their situation and theirs daughters date said he could get it out for him. The daughters date put his two fingers in her fathers nose and told him to blow real hard. It worked and the peanut fell out. The daughter and her date went up stairs and the man and his wife talked about how smart the boy was in coming up with that idea.
The man's wife asked, "I wonder what he's going to be when he grows up."
The man says, "From the smell of his fingers, he's going to be our son-in-law".

Hahaha, dude, hilarious!

***

Old Chinese saying:
A barking dog isn't cooked enough.

What's the difference between a blonde and a light bulb?




The light bulb is smarter but the blonde is easier to turn on

hah