No more voting.
#1
[youtube]4swNvENVijI[/youtube]
In case it craps out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4swNvENVijI
#2
Ladies and gentleman, I believe it wouldn’t be not wholly unacceptable for me to be anything but completely and utterly trustworthy and truthful in admitting what, admittedly, I’m about to admit.
For a number of years, I was lazy, worn-out, and it pains me to say this, deeply unattractive. I drank tea every day, I watched video bloopers and world wrestling 24 hours a week, and I had a haircut that would that give you a nose bleed.
That was until a friend of mine put me onto coffee.
Harmless looking things, aren’t they? Well, I shouldn’t keep it from you that coffee represents 71% of all the caffeine consumption in the United States, followed by soft drinks and – pardon me – tea. Coffee, along with – pardon me – tea, and water, is one of the most popular beverages world-wide, its volume amounting to about a third of that of tap water in North America and Europe. In 2003, coffee was the world's sixth largest agricultural export in value, behind wheat, wheat, maize, soybeans, wheat, and sugar. They rule the world, once normally, and again whilst wearing a pair of luminous, orange-flavoured bicycling shorts.
Coffee, variously described by some as liquid fascism, described by others as, “a beverage as black as ink, useful against numerous illnesses, particularly those of the stomach. Its consumers take it in the morning, quite frankly, in a porcelain cup that is passed around and from which each one drinks a cupful. It is composed of water and the fruit from a bush called bunnu.†Whatever the bleeding hell a bunnu is, I’ve no idea.
Much, but not too much, processing and beautifully priced human slave-labour is required before coffee berries and its seed can be processed into the roasted coffee with which most Western, mid-Western, continental European, incontinental European, and, to some extent, Northern and Southern consumers are familiar. Coffee berries must be picked, defruited, dried, sorted, and  in some processes  also aged, similar to the process Joan Rivers endures through each month in order to look under three million years old.
Coffee roasting (turning coffee from a young adolescent into a fully matured, sexually active adult bean) is a complicated chemical (not dissimilar to humans, in that regard) process that creates the distinctive flavor of coffee from a bland bean. Unroasted beans contain all of coffee’s acids, protein, and caffeine  but none of its taste. Oh, as you so rightly, no. It takes heat to spark the chemical reactions that turn carbohydrates and fats into aromatic oils, burn off moisture and carbon dioxide, and alternately break down and build up acids, unlocking the characteristic coffee flavor. One of these aromatic oils is caffeol, which is largely responsible for coffee's aroma and flavor. Of course, this paragraph is intended for those few who actually care.
Coffee tasting, also known as coffee cupping (but not to be confused with coffiaphilia, the sexual attraction to coffee beans), is the practice of experiencing the tastes and aromas of brewed coffee. Although it is a professionally recognized practice, it can be done by anyone – school teachers, driving instructors, astronaughts; even the amateur professional is qualified to participate. The coffiaphiliac deeply sniffs the coffee, and then loudly slurps it so that it spreads to the back of the tongue. Then, quite noisily and revoltingly, he (or she) attempts to measure aspects of the coffee's taste, specifically the body (for example, colour and eye length), acidity (a sharp and tangy feeling, like when biting into an orange, which is normal if it’s orange flavoured coffee), and balance (the harmony of flavours working together, similar to a choir). Since coffee beans embody telltale flavours of the region in which they were grown, tasters may unsuccessfully attempt to determine the coffee's origin.
It’s also quite sexy, thus, His Omniscientness had converted yet another previously lost, unattractive soul into a world of sex, violence, and happiness. Never look back, ladies and gentleman; never look back.
#3
(Listen to the audio, it really adds to the story.)
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=5MTOXJKM
"Oh noez!" cried the n00b as the giant meteor ziltoid had unleashed hurtled towards earth along with his
ziltoidian minions. The planet smasher, having rejected ziltoid, went back to his lair and had a good snooze.
The planets inhabitants soon realised that there was only one hope, and that hope was a man known for his guitar-
herioc abilites. The one and only...Johnny Cash! (erm, nope, it's devin townsend). Oh really? THAT guy? _-=sigh=-
_. Well anyway, Mr Townsend closed in, bearing the approach of the 18,000,000 tonne meteor and the mass of
minions. Suddenly, a faint sound was heard eminating from Devin's extremely large amplifier [play deep peace].
The enemies were immediatly fascinated by the beauty and technicality of the guitar solo, that they all bobbed
their heads to the rhythm. The meteor returned to it's general orbit around the sun and once again, ziltoid's
plans had been foiled!
(eurovision song contest sucked this year) well duh, doesn't it always? (yeah, but this time I really think they
had their work cut out for them to choose the worst)."
[url]
#4
#5
Thank you for "making it perfect", y'all. Good luck.[/url]
#1
[youtube]4swNvENVijI[/youtube]
In case it craps out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4swNvENVijI
#2
Ladies and gentleman, I believe it wouldn’t be not wholly unacceptable for me to be anything but completely and utterly trustworthy and truthful in admitting what, admittedly, I’m about to admit.
For a number of years, I was lazy, worn-out, and it pains me to say this, deeply unattractive. I drank tea every day, I watched video bloopers and world wrestling 24 hours a week, and I had a haircut that would that give you a nose bleed.
That was until a friend of mine put me onto coffee.
Harmless looking things, aren’t they? Well, I shouldn’t keep it from you that coffee represents 71% of all the caffeine consumption in the United States, followed by soft drinks and – pardon me – tea. Coffee, along with – pardon me – tea, and water, is one of the most popular beverages world-wide, its volume amounting to about a third of that of tap water in North America and Europe. In 2003, coffee was the world's sixth largest agricultural export in value, behind wheat, wheat, maize, soybeans, wheat, and sugar. They rule the world, once normally, and again whilst wearing a pair of luminous, orange-flavoured bicycling shorts.
Coffee, variously described by some as liquid fascism, described by others as, “a beverage as black as ink, useful against numerous illnesses, particularly those of the stomach. Its consumers take it in the morning, quite frankly, in a porcelain cup that is passed around and from which each one drinks a cupful. It is composed of water and the fruit from a bush called bunnu.†Whatever the bleeding hell a bunnu is, I’ve no idea.
Much, but not too much, processing and beautifully priced human slave-labour is required before coffee berries and its seed can be processed into the roasted coffee with which most Western, mid-Western, continental European, incontinental European, and, to some extent, Northern and Southern consumers are familiar. Coffee berries must be picked, defruited, dried, sorted, and  in some processes  also aged, similar to the process Joan Rivers endures through each month in order to look under three million years old.
Coffee roasting (turning coffee from a young adolescent into a fully matured, sexually active adult bean) is a complicated chemical (not dissimilar to humans, in that regard) process that creates the distinctive flavor of coffee from a bland bean. Unroasted beans contain all of coffee’s acids, protein, and caffeine  but none of its taste. Oh, as you so rightly, no. It takes heat to spark the chemical reactions that turn carbohydrates and fats into aromatic oils, burn off moisture and carbon dioxide, and alternately break down and build up acids, unlocking the characteristic coffee flavor. One of these aromatic oils is caffeol, which is largely responsible for coffee's aroma and flavor. Of course, this paragraph is intended for those few who actually care.
Coffee tasting, also known as coffee cupping (but not to be confused with coffiaphilia, the sexual attraction to coffee beans), is the practice of experiencing the tastes and aromas of brewed coffee. Although it is a professionally recognized practice, it can be done by anyone – school teachers, driving instructors, astronaughts; even the amateur professional is qualified to participate. The coffiaphiliac deeply sniffs the coffee, and then loudly slurps it so that it spreads to the back of the tongue. Then, quite noisily and revoltingly, he (or she) attempts to measure aspects of the coffee's taste, specifically the body (for example, colour and eye length), acidity (a sharp and tangy feeling, like when biting into an orange, which is normal if it’s orange flavoured coffee), and balance (the harmony of flavours working together, similar to a choir). Since coffee beans embody telltale flavours of the region in which they were grown, tasters may unsuccessfully attempt to determine the coffee's origin.
It’s also quite sexy, thus, His Omniscientness had converted yet another previously lost, unattractive soul into a world of sex, violence, and happiness. Never look back, ladies and gentleman; never look back.
#3
(Listen to the audio, it really adds to the story.)
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=5MTOXJKM
"Oh noez!" cried the n00b as the giant meteor ziltoid had unleashed hurtled towards earth along with his
ziltoidian minions. The planet smasher, having rejected ziltoid, went back to his lair and had a good snooze.
The planets inhabitants soon realised that there was only one hope, and that hope was a man known for his guitar-
herioc abilites. The one and only...Johnny Cash! (erm, nope, it's devin townsend). Oh really? THAT guy? _-=sigh=-
_. Well anyway, Mr Townsend closed in, bearing the approach of the 18,000,000 tonne meteor and the mass of
minions. Suddenly, a faint sound was heard eminating from Devin's extremely large amplifier [play deep peace].
The enemies were immediatly fascinated by the beauty and technicality of the guitar solo, that they all bobbed
their heads to the rhythm. The meteor returned to it's general orbit around the sun and once again, ziltoid's
plans had been foiled!
(eurovision song contest sucked this year) well duh, doesn't it always? (yeah, but this time I really think they
had their work cut out for them to choose the worst)."
[url]
#4
#5
Thank you for "making it perfect", y'all. Good luck.[/url]
Last edited by djskrimp on Mon May 21, 2007 2:58 pm, edited 5 times in total.
