No longer in the thrash/death metal band though. Life's circumstances kinda messed that up.
If that band got back together it would be weird. If I were up on stage at this point in my life, screaming "as entrails cover the fucking ground..." and "let's see how you feel now as your face meets the crowbar?" - it would just seem like a play. For entertainment value only, with no meaning, like pro wrestling.
Thinking about that, I guess I can really understand why Dev can't do SYL anymore. It ends up becoming a parody.

This is why I can't bring myself to write metal seriously and write parodies instead. That, and the fact that if you set out to take the piss, there are no constraints on what you are and aren't allowed to do.

Actually the lyrics I quoted were from a song very personal to me. A song about each individual's capacity for storing hatred, and what happens when that limit is exceeded. I was just telling it from my point of view, which. at the time was very distorted and twisted. So that particular song wasn't meant to take the piss out of anyone. But we had a lot of other songs that did!
"I step on the bodies, to watch the blood spill out, to make sure I'm not dreaming and no, there's no doubt!"

This is just a general note, not that everyone here needs it. If someone is vegetarian and mentions (politely) they will not be indulging in meat dishes in a group meal, please don't view this request alone as an invitation to begin a debate on the topic of eating versus not eating meat. Understand that this person may just want to eat dinner and not change your mind.

Referring to the consumption of meat as an indulgence isn't particularly polite.

I didn't actually mean it like that, but I see how it can be taken that way, so I apologize.

Have you worked with people who still use drugs etc. since you've gone clean, and if so, how has being around that kind of influence affected you? Is it difficult at all, or do you just think "oh well, that's what they do, I do what I do, everyone's cool".

Yeah, the band (dtp) still drink and smoke. At first they were hesitant, but again, it's important for me and them to be true to ourselves. I want them to be happy. Point blank.

If there's a room full of pot smoke and I'm the only non-smoker, I'll leave if it bugs me, not to be a dick, but really... 'the good of the many' etc...

I sometimes miss the release, but I value my current headspace and what it has done for my focus far too much to have it be a temptation.

I like seeing my friends enjoy themselves.

I still party, don't get me wrong...but no drink or drugs.

d

Devin, I understand what you mean....I occasionally look at porn....but I don't masturbate anymore

What a great thread. This may be the first time I've ever seen meat-eaters/vegetarians talk in a good natured manner. I've always been a huge meat-eater myself, and not in a good way. Lots of Burger King, fried chicken etc...not to mention I barely ever eat any vegetables in my diet. I'm a horribly lazy person who hates to prepare food, so I just always find myself going out and ordering a dozen hot wings instead of picking up some produce from the supermarket and making a salad. It's unfortunate.

I would just like to talk a little more about the porn issue and how it's affected my life. It really is weird how it seems like such a harmless thing, until you analyze it deeper. I can't help but feel that it's contributed to a lot of issues that I've had in the past few years, namely starting relationships and how I view myself and other people.

While I won't blame porn for this - Its certainly possible this is just the way my brain is wired, and I'm sure there are plenty of people who enjoy their porn and live just fine - I'm an incredibly shallow person when it comes to others physical appearance and incredibly critical when it comes to my own. After having years of ripped, hairless men with huge penises burned into my brain (obviously not the reason I watch porn but it's not like you can't notice them ),it's hard to look into the mirror and not feel a sense of disgust. It's not even like I'm overweight or deformed, but anything less than the perfection they strive for in those pornos seems unacceptable.

Trying to start relationships or even talk to girls is also a problem - not only because of the self loathing issue above where I feel like I'm not worthy, but also because of the aforementioned shallowness I have when it comes to other people. You think with the way I sometimes feel about myself I would be willing to give anyone with a good personality and a decent face a shot, but that's not the case. I'm constantly looking for that one with the beautiful face and the rockin bod instead of just focusing on what's really important, how I connect with the person emotionally. I feel a lot like Shallow Hal . A throughly mediocre looking man waiting for that hottie to come along and into his arms.

Like a said, it's possible that I'm just an asshole and porn has nothing to do with this, but lately I've been thinking a lot about what has prevented me from forming a relationship all these years. I'm not that old, but most people my age have had at least semi-serious girlfriend at some point in their lives whereas I haven't even come close. I'm not trying to sound like some emo dude whining about not finding true love hahaha, but it'd be nice to be a be to from an emotional bond with someone and not be so obsessed with the physical aspect of it like I have become.

....I occasionally look at porn....but I don't masturbate anymore

well what's the point in that? that's like seeing a trailer of an amazing movie but never actually going to see it.

....I occasionally look at porn....but I don't masturbate anymore

well what's the point in that? that's like seeing a trailer of an amazing movie but never actually going to see it.

and isn't it rather missing the point about the brutality of the porn industry - you would be better off masturbating but not looking at porn any more.

....I occasionally look at porn....but I don't masturbate anymore

well what's the point in that? that's like seeing a trailer of an amazing movie but never actually going to see it.

Maybe he's got someone to do it for him.

....I occasionally look at porn....but I don't masturbate anymore

well what's the point in that? that's like seeing a trailer of an amazing movie but never actually going to see it.

Maybe he's got someone to do it for him.

I believe the technical term is a fluffer.

Wow! How refreshing.....a forum with people that actually have a sense of humor! It was a joke and the guys here got it. I am not the only one (besides my brother) that have a strange, twisted, dark sense of humor. And after I got to thinking about it I was concerned that people would think that I did not believe Devin. Not true. Just saw an opportunity to make a joke.......usually I have to explain some of the shit I come up with. You guys are great!

Wow! How refreshing.....a forum with people that actually have a sense of humor! It was a joke and the guys here got it. I am not the only one (besides my brother) that have a strange, twisted, dark sense of humor. And after I got to thinking about it I was concerned that people would think that I did not believe Devin. Not true. Just saw an opportunity to make a joke.......usually I have to explain some of the shit I come up with. You guys are great!

I think it's safe to say that most of us here have a pretty twisted sense of humor.

All the worlds a stage, and "I" am home again. Thanks!

I wrote that the other night, I found a vegi spot in Vancouver open late, and it was full of self righteous, 21 year old university students smugly discussing allegory and condemning carnivores, plus the service was shit and it took a hell of a long time to get the food (which was good ...)

Ha. Totally agree with you on that one. I'm a college student myself and there is an abundance of those types in town. They have no clue what they are talking about most of the time. Just repeating what they read off the peta site. I really can't stand the ones who are against hunting though. It's cool that they recognize that eating factory meat is bad, but for those of us that still choose to eat meat, hunting is so much better. If you ask me, Peta (as well as other animal rights groups) should support this kind of behavior. So on that note:

Ever try venison or moose meat? It's a great alternative if you have a buddy/family member who hunts. It's a lot better for you than any of that caged/abused factory farmed garbage. Better for the environment AND the critter too. The hunted animal does not suffer nearly as much as one in a factory farm, especially if you're a decent shot.

Funnily enough I have a small forest of boar and venison salamis hanging under my porch at the moment and a couple of good haunches in the freezer.

i want to write something here about this subject.

for many years now, ive been a casual drug taker, regular pot smoker, and frantic masturbator to a lot of porn, and i never ever ever saw any harm with it...


...until recently.

Im gonna go straght to the controversial one - porn...

ive always thought it was quite healthy and harmless, but i question that now due to teh way i view sex in general.

dont get me wrong, i really really like sex, but the problem is, all the best sex ive ever had, has been with women i care very little about, or im not likely to see them again.
perhaps because ive found porn as an inspiration to how sex should / could be, when the occasions have arised in teh past, i havnt really been intimidated by trying to have sex exactly the way i want it. And its mostly been amazing.

the flip side to this is and has been quite damaging to me.

when im in a loving relationship, i just CANT enjoy sex. it doesnt live up to the excitement i get of letting myself go in such a primal way, purely because i love and respect any long term partner i have. and i cant / wont / dont want to subject her to the sometimes brutal experiences ive has in teh past (and enjoyed immensly). i just cant let myself go in that way.

this has (for me) put tremendous stress on the relationship, and because im sexually unfufilled, so she will be too.

its kinda sad really when you think about it.

it seems i have a real problem now with the way i seperate sex from love. and it is driving me completly insane. i want to have both at the same time, and I just cant have it.



as for drugs, well yeah... give me some.

nah, joking. I do love smoking joints though, but in a way, that HAS made me more insular and withdrawn, with no motivation to come out of it. right now im sober, and im fine with it. but pot has a psycologival effect on me, especially concerning its availability. when i CAN get it, im ok not smoking it. if i CANT get it, i go insane trying ot find it. when i have it, i cant not smoke it either. if i want to have a cigarette but i haev weed around, i make a joint. this makes it a regular habit for me.

im actually fine when i dont smoke it (sometimes).


alcohol - never was a big fan of the effects when too much is drunk. i like a beer or 5, but i never mix drinks of different types, and i try to drink slowly. when i moved to austria in the alps, i ended up drinking daily almost. and that was because i couldnt find any weed there. it seems i need to be UNsober in some way, most days. This is starting to bother me.


for me, there is a bitter sweet irony to the fact that this year, im trying to battle my addictions, and an album about addictions comes out by one of my favourate artists.

Dev, if you can do it, im sure i can do it too. i just dont have the strength right now. (but that is another story for another day).

I'm vegetarian, have been for 20 or so years, and I'll never appear in a Peta ad

Good. You're cool and all, but I'm not sure a naked magazine cover is what I want.

Also, this place is rad, cool that you post and all. Kind puts a more realistic perspective on things. Too much worshiping celeberty people when they never talk to those who worship these days