HEVYDEVY FORUMS

It may be stupid to some but what are the things that you've learned from being Dev's girl? I mean, my boyfriend is in a kickass band (though much lesser known),... and I just wonder how I will deal with the added attention of them gaining popularity and traveling,... I wonder if you don't have some advice or self-inflicted mantra to ease the paranoia and fears,...
I'm crazy proud of him and his band but it is so incredibly hard sometimes to not let my fears take hold of me and drag me down. I trust him with all that I am, so that's not the issue,...And I am so happy that they are doing what they love and experiencing things that most people would dream of,,... but wow, faced with them going to Japan and being so far away for so long,... Erm.. it's pretty scary.
I'm just curious how things have been for you in that sense,...

Very important questions, and indeed, your boyfriend's band does kick ass.

HINT: ALWAYS DATE DRUMMERS.
They score 0%.

I know, i'm one

Yanko wrote:HINT: ALWAYS DATE DRUMMERS.
They score 0%.

I know, i'm one

He's not only the drummer, he's also a client!!

Ugh... I guess the first thing is if you really do trust him, it won't be an issue.

I think the most important thing is to prepare yourself and create a life separate from him. When Devin first decided he was joining Vai, I went to college - something that occupies your time as well as furthers your mind. Remember that he will have experiences that you can't possibly comprehend, so don't expect to. Work on yourself so you aren't left behind.

One thing I've learned is not to talk about it. I don't discuss it with anyone but my parents and closest friend. No one knows what we do. No one will be able to relate (or care), and it may be hard to believe, but it will only build resentment around you. You talk about the good things and they see it as bragging or name-dropping, you talk about the bad and they see you as being unappreciative and whining. Seriously, your non-musician friends will roll their eyes and it will create animosity or jealousy with your friends who are musicians.

The guy doesn't want to worry or feel guilty about you when he's away. You have to make him feel confident that you can handle it, even if you think you can't sometimes.

It sucks being alone a lot but what gets me through if I start feeling sorry for myself is thinking of the wives of the men in the armed forces. Their husbands are away for 6 months or more at a time without daily phone calls and our guys aren't getting shot at. If they can handle that, I can do a 6 week tour.

However, that is just me and Dev's not your average dude. It comes down to that trust, in him and in yourself.

As for the being away part, it probably helps to focus on seeing him again when he returns, rather than saying goodbye and being away for weeks. Focus on the positive side of things.

Wow, I dunno that I was expecting such an in-depth answer. That rocks. Thanks Tracy.

I do trust him. More than anyone on this earth. I just fear for things unseen, just like anyone does for the ones we love. And not being a musician, sometimes it's hard to fathom these things that are so important to him, and push past my fears.

I guess it comes down to CONTROL *dances around* Oh god, sorry. I couldn't resist.

Seriously. I just want him to be happy. If that means sucking it up at the airport and leaning on you guys for that six weeks, I'm in. As long as he comes home smiley and in tact, lol.

But thanks Tracy. That was such a comfort to read, believe it or not.

Biert wrote:As for the being away part, it probably helps to focus on seeing him again when he returns, rather than saying goodbye and being away for weeks. Focus on the positive side of things.

Yeah, I completely agree,.. but sometimes it's easier said than done. After two-three days, I get antsy though, lol. I'll be peeling the paint off the walls with my bare hands after a week!

I guess I always feel like things will be ok as long as I'm there. Is that necessarily true? Oh hell no. But it's so hard to get past feeling that way.

Tracy is right, a big part of it comes down to trust— like most everything—but it also comes down to strength. How can YOU handle him being away and being lonely.

I was actually married once. I spent virtually every day with this girl for 3 years, she was amazing. We got married, 7 months later I went to Italy for 4 months, and 2 months later she was cheating on me. She did this because SHE was weak, she NEEDED that comfort, that feeling of being SAFE. I never knew this because I'd never been away from her for more than a week. We got divorced.

Last I heard a friend sent me a a mass e-mail that she had sent out and her last name was different. Apparently the guy she was dating got deployed like I did, she cheated on him with her ex-boyfriend, got pregnant and her boyfriend came home and proposed to her and they got married.

Unlike me, he was stupid and probably weak just like her. That's why he stayed with her. So you BOTH need to be emotionally strong AND trust each other, and I think most importantly, you need to be able to find comfort in being alone.

I just want to clarify that the part about not talking to people about it is regarding any increasing success of the band, not about being upset he's away.

Tracy wrote:I just want to clarify that the part about not talking to people about it is regarding any increasing success of the band, not about being upset he's away.

No shit. People get jealous over weird, weird things. People got upset with me when I was unemployed for a year because I got to sit around all day and not go to work!! You think I wanted to do that?!?!?!

...Yes?

Ooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh wait no! it's no right. I get it.

Like my parents being mad at me because I never go to school, which is because I just don't have to go to school a lot, because I only have a few courses. They don't seem to get that and start bitching when I have 2 days a week off.

But thanks Tracy. That was such a comfort to read, believe it or not.

You're welcome. And who's that cute guy in your avatar? If I wasn't married....

Tracy wrote:

But thanks Tracy. That was such a comfort to read, believe it or not.

You're welcome. And who's that cute guy in your avatar? If I wasn't married....

Looks like your avatars twin brother.