A pack of hungry sharks were out swimming one evening, looking for food and finding none. They were considering cannibalism when one shark noticed something shiny on the seabed. Racing down, he grabbed the object but quickly spat it out, discovering it was an undersea lamp, when suddenly a genie appeared in front of the sharks. "Thank you for setting me free," the genie said. "I will grant you one wish." They all answered in unison, "FOOD, PLEASE GIVE US SOME FOOD!!"

And that's how the Titanic was sunk.

Q. Why do mathematicians like national parks?

A. Because of the natural logs.

A recently married couple are out on their honey moon, and they're having a great time. When they're about to go to sleep, the bride says to the groom "Wouldn't it be romantic if the one who wakes up first, wakes the other with oral sex?" and the groom totally agrees, so it's a deal.

Next morning, the groom wakes up, nudges his bride only to find out she's still awake. Groom is still devoted to hold up his end of the deal, so he slowly and carefully peels the covers from her naked, sleeping body... And sticks his dick in her mouth

Nasty...

I've got heaps of racist jokes, but I ain't going to say them.

When in doubt, use the Aristocrats!

A man walks into a talent agent's office and says, "Boy have I got an act for you!"
"What kind of act is it?" asks the agent.
"Well, it's a family show, involving me, my wife, and my son. What we do is come out on the stage with our props, and my wife gets naked and juggles fruit, while standing in a tub of water. So while she's juggling, you know she'll get splashed, and she'll keep dropping and picking up that fruit the wetter it gets!
Meanwhile my son and I do juggling, with fire sticks, but nobody's gonna notice us with my wife doing her thing, cause she is smokin', let me tell you. After awhile, while they're all watching her, my son and I bring out a couple of M60s and start firing into the crowd, making sure everyone gets a bullet and nobody escapes. Then we all get off the stage and steal as much money and jewelry as possible, and then beat it before the cops come!"
The agent looks on bemused, having already jabbed on the panic button under his desk before. "Ok, what do you guys call yourselves?"
The man pulls out a .45, blasts the agent's head off, and says, "The Aristocrats."

When in doubt, use the Aristocrats!

A man walks into a talent agent's office and says, "Boy have I got an act for you!"
"What kind of act is it?" asks the agent.
"Well, it's a family show, involving me, my wife, and my son. What we do is come out on the stage with our props, and my wife gets naked and juggles fruit, while standing in a tub of water. So while she's juggling, you know she'll get splashed, and she'll keep dropping and picking up that fruit the wetter it gets!
Meanwhile my son and I do juggling, with fire sticks, but nobody's gonna notice us with my wife doing her thing, cause she is smokin', let me tell you. After awhile, while they're all watching her, my son and I bring out a couple of M60s and start firing into the crowd, making sure everyone gets a bullet and nobody escapes. Then we all get off the stage and steal as much money and jewelry as possible, and then beat it before the cops come!"
The agent looks on bemused, having already jabbed on the panic button under his desk before. "Ok, what do you guys call yourselves?"
The man pulls out a .45, blasts the agent's head off, and says, "The Aristocrats."

Nasty...

I've got heaps of racist jokes, but I ain't going to say them.

tease

Nasty...

I've got heaps of racist jokes, but I ain't going to say them.

tease

You should see how I make a living...

Nasty...

I've got heaps of racist jokes, but I ain't going to say them.

tease

You should see how I make a living...

Wouldn't happen to be in King's Cross, would it?

Next morning, the groom wakes up, nudges his bride only to find out she's still awake. Groom is still devoted to hold up his end of the deal, so he slowly and carefully peels the covers from her naked, sleeping body...

erm... ?

That whole awake/asleep thing. We knew what you meant.

Nasty...

I've got heaps of racist jokes, but I ain't going to say them.

tease

You should see how I make a living...

Wouldn't happen to be in King's Cross, would it?

Are you who you think I am?
The guy who always gives me massive tips before touching me in inappropriate places?

Speaking of King's Cross:

Someone asked a local:
"Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule?"

He responded:
"They play every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked."

What did God say to Jesus when he arrived in Heaven?

My son... do you need a band-aid?

Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?

A: To get to the other slide.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?

A: To get to the other slide.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the carnival?

A: To get to the other ride.