A WOMAN'S POEM:

Before I lay me down to sleep,

I pray for a man, who's not a creep,

One who's handsome, smart and strong.

One who loves to listen long,

One who thinks before he speaks,

One who'll call, not wait for weeks.

I pray he's gainfully employed,

When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.

Pulls out my chair and opens my door.

Massages my back and begs to do more.

Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,

Knows what to answer to 'how big is my behind?'

I pray that this man will love me to no end,

And always be my very best friend.

That's me!! :O


Well, except the second line maybe...

Okay, shoddy translation of a joke I received a moment ago:

Autumn 2008, one banker calls the another:
- sup dude, how do you sleep?
- like a newborn
- are you kidding me?
- nope, yesterday I've cried all night and shat myself twice.

Q... How do you know if a drummers stool is level?

A... Drools out of both sides of his mouth

Q... Define a Bassist

A... A cross between a musician and a drummer

Q... What is the difference between a drummer and a drum machine

A... You only have to puch the commands into a drum machine once!

LOL they were all courtasy of my college lecturer!

Excuse my while I cross-post those to the Ryan Van Poederooyen forums

Halloween!



A man is walking home alone late one foggy night...

when behind him he hears:

Bump...

BUMP...

BUMP...

Walking faster, he looks back and thru the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him

FASTER...
FASTER...

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.

However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
on his heels.

The terrified man runs.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.


Bumping and clapping toward him.

The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!

Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...


and,



The coffin stops.

Halloween!



A man is walking home alone late one foggy night...

when behind him he hears:

Bump...

BUMP...

BUMP...

Walking faster, he looks back and thru the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him

FASTER...
FASTER...

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.

However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
on his heels.

The terrified man runs.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.


Bumping and clapping toward him.

The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!

Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...


and,



The coffin stops.

lol i was like wtf... ahh i get it

OH OH OH

COFFIN = COUGHIN'

I GEDDIT NOW ^_________________^

OH OH OH

COFFIN = COUGHIN'

I GEDDIT NOW ^_________________^

After I explained it to you.




not that the joke was worth explaining in the first place, oy!

OH OH OH

COFFIN = COUGHIN'

I GEDDIT NOW ^_________________^

After I explained it to you.




not that the joke was worth explaining in the first place, oy!

OH SNAP

not that the joke was worth explaining in the first place, oy!

Totally.


Women != Funny

not that the joke was worth explaining in the first place, oy!

Totally.


Women != Funny

srsly.

That is obviously a man with tits.

That is obviously a man with tits.

WHO'S NOT FUNNY NOW

That is obviously a man with tits.

WHO'S NOT FUNNY NOW

You aren't not funny now AND later.

An Easter joke at Christmas...
The Easter Weekend/ Spring Break was coming and Ms. Stanfield was asking her grade 2 students if any of them knew what Easter was.No one but Billy had their hand up. Ms Stanfield was well aquainted with little Billies' answers to questions like these and pleaded with the class if ANYONE else could explain Easter.
Only Billy's hand was up.
"Sigh.....OOOOoookay Billy, please tell the class the story of Easter...."
"Well',Billy started,"Easter is the story of the crusifixtion of Jesus Christ. Which happened on a Friday. Which we know now as Good Friday."
"Yes, go on "encouraged Ms Stanfield.
"So they cut him down on that night, and put him in a cave and rolled a giant rock in front of the entrance."
"Very good!! Then what?"
"Well,as I understand it,Jesus remained in the cave 2 days and nights.Then on Sunday morning they found the cave with the stone rolled away and Jesus,resurected from the dead, standing at the mouth of the cave!!!
That's amazing,Billy ,"said the teacher "Then what happened?"
'Well, if Jesus sees his shadow, then he runs back in the cave, and it's winter for six more weeks!"