Dont know if this one was said before but here I Go:

Who would win in a Fight, God or Devin Townsend?



Trick question, Devin Townsend is God.

why did the cow go moo?


because it's a cow

[JuZ]

Sick jokes and bad jokes are the same thing now?

I guess so, since my topic was locked because of this one's existence

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his butt.

Why was the Tomato blushing? Because he saw the salad dressing.

Why don't cannibals eat comedians? Because they taste funny.

How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it. How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way, unique up on it.

What happened to the fly on the toilet seat? He got pissed off.

Why did Snoop Dogg need an umbrella? Fo Drizzle

Jack Osbourn desides to go sky diving on his new show. To show how tough he is he desides to both go solo on his first jump and to try a 10 second freefall.At the last minute at 11 thousand feet he starts to get second thoughts. The instructor aswages his fears by saying;'Look it really is safe. When you jump just count to ten, reach across your chest and pull your ripcord. If, in the EXTREAMLY unlikely event that your chute does not deploy, remain calm, reach across your other side and pull your reserve cord. That chute has been packed by top professionals and WILL open.Then just float down and a truck will pick you up at the bottom. Osbourn jumps, counts ten and pulls his cord.Nothing happens.After a brief flash of panic he remembers his instruction and pulls his reserve.Nothing."Dammit',Jack thought as he plummeted down "I'll bet that ride's not waiting for me down there either!"

A blind man went to the airport to fly in a small plane and the pilot asked him,” if you're blind, why do you want to fly?"
And the blind man said he just wanted to have the experience.
So off through the skies they went!
The pilot had a heart attack and passed out and the blind man felt around and found the mike and keyed up and said, "Help, help, I'm a blind man flying upside down in a small plane and the pilot has passed out!"
A voice came over the speaker that said, "if you are a blind man, how do you know you're upside down?"
The man said, "because shit is running out of my collar!!!!"

A guy walks to a hooker and says: "I'll give you 200 euros if I can beat you."
"Hmmm, how long would you beat me?"
"Until you give back the 200 euros."

Why is the bible and a cock similar?

They both get rammed down your throat by a priest

Just bumping so "Big Al" doesn't have to flood our shoutbox with bad jokes (keep em coming in here man!).



Oh what the hell, here's a joke for you all:

How many men does it take to open a beer?





None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

how many teachers does it take to wall paper a room?

depends how thinly you slice them

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy - Tom Waits

I don't like jail; they've got the wrong kind of bars - Charles Bukowski

anyone heard about the one about the panda and the nun?

(unless i read it here, that is...)

Not really a joke, but some favorite oxymorons we don't really think about when using them.

Assistant Supervisor
New Tradition
Original Copy
Plastic Glass
Uninvited Guest
Highly Depressed
Live Recording
Authentic Reproduction
Partial cease-fire
Limited Lifetime Guarantee
Elevated Subway
Dry Lake
True Replica
Forward Lateral
Standard Options

whats the difference between a lesbian and a walrus?

one has a moustache and smells like fish. the other one is a walrus