I didn't read all the pages, so I hope it's not a repost...


Little Johnny comes down for breakfast and goes to his father.
"Do you know how old I am today??"

Daddy: "How old are you today, son?"

Johnny: "I'm 10!!"

Daddy exclaims, hugs his son and says "happy birthday!!".

Little Johnny goes into the living room and asks Grandma: "Hey grandma, do you know how old I am today??"

Grandma takes her boney old hand and shoves it down Johnny's pants, then fondles him gently for a minute. Finally, grandma looks at him with a smile and says "You're 10!".

Johnny exclaims: "WOW, how did you know??"

Grandma replies: "I heard you tell your father!"

Little girl was born blind and on her 8th birthday her mother comes to her:

"There has been invented new miracle cream that will cure your eyes, and I spent my last money to buy it"

Girl:

"woo"

Mother:

"I just spread it to your eyes and cover them with bandage and tomorrow morning you should get your eyesight back"

Girl:

"thank you thank you I cant wait!"

Next morning girl stumbles to her parents bedroom all excited screaming:

"Mommy mommy! Take the bandage off!!"

Mother takes the bandage off and girl wipes her eyes in extacy:

"When it is supposed to work, I still cant see anything?!?!?"

Mom and dad together: "April fool!!!!!"

A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well.

"What's the matter?" he asks.

"I have a case of Anal Glaucoma," she says in a weak voice.

He asks: "What the hell is Anal Glaucoma?"

She responds: "I can't see my ass coming into work today."

The thread is so large it is starting to collapse in on itself so that the same jokes repeat over and over!

Little girl was born blind and on her 8th birthday her mother comes to her:

"There has been invented new miracle cream that will cure your eyes, and I spent my last money to buy it"

Girl:

"woo"

Mother:

"I just spread it to your eyes and cover them with bandage and tomorrow morning you should get your eyesight back"

Girl:

"thank you thank you I cant wait!"

Next morning girl stumbles to her parents bedroom all excited screaming:

"Mommy mommy! Take the bandage off!!"

Mother takes the bandage off and girl wipes her eyes in extacy:

"When it is supposed to work, I still cant see anything?!?!?"

Mom and dad together: "April fool!!!!!"

tack saa mycket finnish fella, this made my day

A man wearing a mask bursts into a sperm bank with a shot gun. "Open the safe!" he yells at the girl behind the counter.

"But we're not a real bank" replies the girl. "This is a sperm bank, we don't hold money".

"Don't argue just open the safe or I'll blow your head off!" She obliges and opens the safe door.

"Take one of the bottles and drink it!"

"But it's full of sperm" the girl replies nervously.

"Don't argue, just drink it" he says.

She prys off the cap and gulps it down.

"Take out another one and drink it too!" he demands.

The girl drinks another one.

Suddenly the guy pulls off the mask and to the girl's amazement it's her husband.......

"Not that damn difficult, is it?" he says.

A woman is in a coma. Nurses are in her room giving her a spongebath. One of them is washing her "private area" and notices that there is a response on the monitor when he touches her.
They go to her husband and explain what happened, telling him, "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma." The husband is skeptical, but they assure him that they'll close the curtains for privacy. Besides it's worth a try.
The hubby finally agrees and goes into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flatlines. No pulse, no heart rate. The nurses run into the room. The husband is standing there, pulling up his pants and says, "I think she choked."

ahahahaha!!!

...had to drag this all the way back from page 24 of the General Discussion...tut tut...

"ahem, in honour of Australia Day!"



Fuckin' oath!

Little Johnny sees his grandfather drinking beer, he walks up to his grandfather and asks "Can i have some beer grandpa?". "Only if you can stick you penis in your ass" he replies. So little Johny tries but cant do it. "i cant do it granpa" he says. "then you cant drink beer yet Little Johnny" granpa replies.

Little Johnny desperately wants to drink beer so he desides to put a candy bar in his pants and pretends that he can stick his penis in his ass. So he goes up to his grandpa and says "Look! i can do it grandpa!". His grandfather replies "Then go fuck yourself Johnny"

What does a stripper do with her asshole before she goes to work?

She drops him off at band practice!


My friend who is in a band, met his wife at the local strip club!!! The first time I heard that joke it was told to him at the club by one of his (now wifes) regular patrons!!!!

How many singers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

1... The world revolves around them!

What red, yellow and orange and looks good on a hippie...


FIRE!